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“Fluid” is an LGBTQ animated comedy series that follows Dave Davidson, a neurotic, sexually fluid self-saboteur who has terrible judgment when it comes to dating.

Proof of Concepts
(Animatic Storyboards)

The Orgy

The Crossing Guard

Main Characters

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DAVE

Dave Davidson is an insecure bisexual who tries way too hard to win the affection of the man or woman he’s currently pursuing, constantly leading to schemes, farces, and irrational situations in which he is in way over his head. Dave has a bad case of executive dysfunction – his career prospects don’t really amount to much beyond food delivery and ride service; his social life isn’t exactly robust; and he lives rent-free in his grandmother’s house. Rather, Dave’s self-serving and misguided priorities in life are primarily on the dating front – finding “love” and “winning” approval.

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GRANNY DAVE

Miriam “Granny Dave” Davidson is Dave’s hot blooded nymphomaniac grandmother — and also his roommate. While she is Dave’s best friend and confidant, she’s also prone to throwing him under the bus if it suits her interest. Luckily, Granny Dave’s interests are usually altruistic – she has a strong sense of justice and will fight for what she thinks is right, even if she doesn’t always do it in the most ethical ways. Campy, witty, and bawdy are just some of the words that can describe the larger-than-life persona that is Granny Dave.

Also living on Granny Dave’s modest estate are Fin, Becky, and Theo. Being the altruistic ally that she is, over time, Granny Dave has offered these various LGBTQ-aligning people with nowhere else to go a safe-haven to live in rent-free. As such, Granny Dave has accumulated Fin, Becky, and Theo, who all live out back in the pool house – or, as it’s lovingly dubbed, “Granny Dave’s Shack of Queers.”

Secondary Characters
("The Shack of Queers")

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FIN

Fin Littlesnake is an aspiring actor who identifies as asexual. However, this doesn’t mean Fin won’t hook up – rather Fin will play any role as long as it furthers his career. In complete contrast to the romantic Dave, Fin is aromantic and operates purely from a place of self-advancement – he’ll somewhat sociopathically have sex with anyone as long as it means landing the part. In fact, he even marries Dave in the episode “The Wedding,” and then promptly divorces Dave as soon as the marriage stops benefiting Fin’s career.

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BECKY

Becky Fullilove is a gold-star lesbian and self-proclaimed hippie. However, despite her spirituality and free-spirited facade, she’s unbelievably petty, stubborn and disagreeable – she very easily gets fixated on the small things and will stubbornly obsess over correcting whatever or whoever is wrong. Becky has a vision of what it looks like to be living her best life and doesn't like to be put out of that comfort zone, so if anyone harshes her mellow, she will happily ruin their life. (But, she will always say Namaste before doing so.)

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THEO

Theodore Kelly is a Furry – as such he is typically seen around the poolhouse donned in his fursuit. To match his exterior, Theo’s personality is that of an easily persuadable puppy – he is much more naive, optimistic, and gullible than the other characters that he has surrounded himself with. As such, he is often steamrolled, manipulated, and roped into the various schemes of Dave, Granny Dave, or the rest of his roommates in the Shack.

To add a little gravitas and time-sensitivity to the show, in the first season, Granny Dave is unfortunately on the verge of losing her humble estate due to mounting unpaid property taxes – which would put herself (as well as all the helpless queers she houses) out on the streets. This plot thread simmers throughout the first season, as we periodically check in on Granny Dave’s quest to conceal this truth from her dependents, as well as her mission to raise the money needed to save her LGBTQ refuge from being repossessed.

Tertiary Characters

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LEONARD

Leonard Williams is many things to Granny Dave. She first hired Leonard to be her trusty poolboy, and then, like a porno come true, she seduced him and they started fucking on the regular. After pillow talk revealed Leonard’s true ambitions of becoming a certified accountant, Granny Dave decided to put him in charge of her finances. So now Leonard helps facilitate Granny Dave’s owed property tax payments – whenever he’s not rooting around in pool filters or in Granny Dave, that is.

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DR. BEARENSTEIN

Dr. Lin Bearenstein is Dave's paternal STD doctor who Dave sees so often that Dr. Bearenstein allotted him a custom pricing system dubbed "The Infinity Package." Earnest and meditative, Dr. Bearenstein serves as a therapeutic outlet to whom Dave can turn to for advice on his dating plans while getting a checkup. However, Dr. Bearenstein is typically nothing more than a sounding board for Dave, as his advice is usually too sensible and straight-thinking to be taken seriously.

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DANI GRAVE

Dani Grave is the part drag queen, part comedian, part bartender master of ceremonies employed at the local West Hollywood bar named “Hole” that Dave and co frequent. Formerly known by the drag name “Danliteful,” she redid her whole drag persona around Granny Dave after meeting her — having found her to be “queen,” “mother,” and “everything.” In season one, she has a quick fling with Dave, but despite the relationship not working out, Dani Grave is still always down to hang out with the gang whenever Dave and co visit Hole.

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MADELINE

Madeline Wanda-Cruz is Dave’s matchmaker. Because apparently Tinder, Bumble and Grindr aren’t enough, Dave also had to hire a professional dating agency to help him find “the one.” However, unfortunately for Dave, Madeline’s skills as a matchmaker are of dubious competency. Despite this, she’s cheerful, peppy, and above all, luckily has the stick-to-itiveness to never give up on Dave despite his equally incompetent results when it comes to dating.

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RICKY

Ricky Wanda-Cruz is Madeline’s twinkish and effeminate husband. She often cites him as the reason for her job – that she wants everyone to find “their Ricky.” However, despite this, Dave and co are all very suspicious of Ricky’s sexuality as a straight (or even bisexual) male. In fact, everyone is convinced that Ricky is actually fully gay. So while Dave finds Ricky attractive, he’ll have to hold out on asking Ricky on a date until the potential (inevitable) day when Ricky comes out of the closet and ends his marriage with Madeline.

PROPOSED CAST

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Ian Nelson

"DAVE"

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Jennifer Coolidge

"GRANNY DAVE"

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Dallas Goldtooth

"FIN"

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Retta

"BECKY"

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Eli Bock

"THEO"

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Michael B. Jordan

"LEONARD"

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George Takei

"DR. BEARENSTEIN"

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RuPaul

"DANI GRAVE"

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Maya Rudolph

"MADELINE"

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Ricky Martin

"RICKY"

Main Locations

The Patio

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The Patio is the show’s iconic main location, appearing in most every episode. Here is a chill, backyard pool in West Hollywood at which five unemployed queers all lounge around, cookout, and chat.

In the context of the show, The Patio serves as this show’s Krusty Krab, Central Perk, Cheers… The place for Dave, Granny Dave, and the Shack to convene – for these various characters to share what’s going on in their respective lives. And these impassioned poolside discussions can alter the course of a character’s story via advice from another character, or even inspire branching plots from other characters when presented with new ideas from another.

At the Patio, we’ll commonly see Granny Dave enjoying the water and a drink; Fin on the grill; Becky getting a tan; and Dave and Theo sitting poolside. The Patio is the ritualistic rendezvous at which these five’s unlikely comradery solidifies.

The Davidson House

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While much of the scenes back at the house will take place on the Patio, the house in which Dave and Granny Dave habitat is of course another prominent location in the show. Here we can more intimately observe the roommate relationship between Dave and Granny Dave, and utilize the more private space to do scenes that more closely focus on Granny Dave and Dave without the Shack of Queers stealing focus.

The Pool House

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Also known as “The Shack,” the Pool House is where Fin, Theo, and Becky all live, rent-free. This unpermitted backyard home is chaotic and tightly packed due to the fact that Fin, Becky and Theo all share one bedroom and one bathroom.

Secondary Locations

Hole

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Hole is a local bar and frequent haunt of Dave and co. While not specifically a gay bar (which still allows Dave to potentially meet girls here as well as guys), Hole is still located on Santa Monica Blvd just down the street from the main WeHo club scene, so it still naturally has a lot of gay culture permeating through its hallowed halls.

In the context of the show, Hole serves as a regular location for these characters to occasionally go to to meet people of all genders and sexualities to kick off new dating plots. And of course, Hole is also simply a place for our characters to kick back and party.

Dr. Bearenstein's Office

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Dave is both neurotic and constantly searching for the right sexual partner – as such, it’s natural that Dave would frequently find himself visiting the venereal clinic. So Dave is a regular patient at Dr. Bearenstein’s office – and whenever stopping by, Dave usually can’t help but take the opportunity to talk about himself and fish for advice from Dr. Bearenstein on whatever dating farce Dave is currently cooking up. And Dr. Bearenstein usually obliges, so this medical treatment office also doubles as a therapy office for Dave. As such, a common sight at the clinic may be Dave having an earnest chat about his dating prospects while peeing in a cup in front of Dr. Bearenstein.

Madeline and Ricky's House

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This well-to-do, “millennial gray” house in Brentwood is where Dave goes to meet with his matchmaker, Madeline. As such, scenes at Madeline’s naturally frequently kick off new dating plots for Dave.

 

However, Madeline’s House also provides a minor “will-they-won’t-they” to bubble throughout the show – as whenever Dave’s at Madeline’s, he can’t help but scrutinize the sexuality of Madeline’s fem husband, Ricky. And while Dave would love to go on a date with Ricky, he’ll have to wait until the potential day in which Ricky and Madeline are no longer married. So for now, Dave will continue to pursue the dating candidates that Madeline offers, but much of the reason Dave actually goes to Madeline’s House is to plant the seeds of a relationship with Ricky prior to Ricky's inevitable closet-exit.

Creators

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Eli Bock

Eli Bock is an accomplished writer, animator, and animation director whose credits include being an animation director for MTV's "Great Party Story Ever," an animator for Syfy's "Magical Girl Friendship Squad," and an animator for Cartuna's "Human Kind Of" and "Loafy." Eli has also animated for Snapchat, Amazon, Facebook, and Comedy Central. His latest work includes an animated pilot from Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson, which is currently in post-production, as well as animated comedy segment series for OnlyFans.

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Ian Nelson

Co-creator Ian Nelson plays the lead role of "Dave." Ian has acted in over twenty television shows and blockbuster films including "The Hunger Games," "The Boy Next Door" with Jennifer Lopez, "The Judge" with Robert Downey Jr, MTV's "Teen Wolf," IFC's Comedy Bang! Bang!," and Peacock's comedy series show-run by Paul Reiser, "There's Johnny."  Ian is also the President of 4205 Productions, where he writes, directs, and produces commercials and music videos - including an upcoming music video for Oscar-nominated actress, Abigail Breslin.

Season 1 Episode Outlines

For readability, subplots are separated by different color typefaces

The Orgy

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After a routine STD screening at Dr. Bearenstein’s office, Dave meets a hunky guy named John typing away on his phone in the waiting room. Upon chatting it up, Dave discovers that John is having trouble getting people to come to a “group event” that night at his house. Desperate for any chance he can get to spend time with this adonis, Dave happily offers to “come party,” without hesitating or even getting the full details about the event.

 

Meanwhile, Granny Dave is at home lounging by the pool. After seeing her sexy poolboy, Leonard, bent over collecting leaves with the pool net, she propositions him with a good time. 

 

So the two sleep together, and their post-coital pillow talk reveals that Leonard is studying to become a certified accountant. Having taken a liking to the self-motivated poolboy, Granny Dave offers Leonard a chance to practice his accounting by letting him make sense out of some confusing bills Granny Dave has been receiving in the mail that she “can’t make heads or tails of.”

 

That evening, Dave arrives at John's house only to find that John's “group event” is actually an orgy. Despite this twist, Dave’s mission is still to bond with John and ensure future dates – but thrown off his game by the unexpectedness of the orgy, Dave is unprepared and flustered, and thus embarrasses himself and fails to make any meaningful impression with John.

 

When leaving the orgy, John disinvites Dave from any future gatherings, implying Dave is not “the orgy type.” However, Dave insists that his poor performance was simply “away game jitters.” Dave then invites John to Dave’s house next week for the orgy that Dave hosts, which is promised to be even bigger and better than John’s typical orgy. (Of course, Dave doesn’t actually host any orgies, he’s just bullshitting on the spot, saying anything he can think of to get another chance with John.) But intrigued by Dave’s lies, John agrees to attend.

Meanwhile, that night, Leonard urgently shows up at Granny Dave’s door with some troubling news. Leonard informs Granny Dave that he took a look at her finances, and apparently Granny Dave is at risk of losing her property if she can’t pay a significant amount of unpaid back taxes – Leonard warns Granny Dave that she must make a payment of $2,000 before this upcoming Friday. Granny Dave is troubled by this news, but thanks Leonard for his help and ensures him that she’ll figure something out, before spanking him and sending him off on his way.

 

The next day, Dave sits by the pool alongside Granny Dave, Fin, Becky, and Theo. With his head in hands, Dave says: “What am I gonna do? John’s gonna be here next week expecting an orgy.” Seeing a potential lucrative opportunity here, Granny Dave agrees that she’ll help Dave round up enough people to put on the biggest, wildest orgy that West Hollywood has ever seen – and she’s going to do it for Dave “purely out of the goodness of her heart.” Dave is touched by Granny Dave’s kindness and agrees that an enormous orgy will definitely help impress John.

 

So, that evening, Granny Dave heads off to round up orgy-goers for Dave. However, what she failed to disclose to her grandson is that Granny Dave plans to opportunistically utilize Dave’s orgy to raise money for her financial woes by charging people $100 bucks a pop to attend. Granny Dave brings her Furry friend Theo along to help her out and act as a mascot advertiser like you may see twirling a sign outside a business.

 

So the two head to the local bar called Hole to hand out flyers, and before long, business is booming. “Dang, Granny Dave! You could sell ice-orgies to a horny Eskimo!” Theo exclaims. Granny Dave replies: “This is nothing. Back in my old club promoter days, I once got a full house for a comedy club headlining Paul Lynde in Texas. Of course, I never would have put in the effort if I hadn’t been sleeping with him at the time.”

 

Meanwhile, Dave realizes that with his upcoming orgy as packed as Granny Dave implied it could be, he may have trouble getting some one-on-one time with John. So Dave heads out back to the Pool House to ask for help:

 

Dave knocks on the door, but is met with a frazzled Becky who is holding an unpleasant cat named Lawrence: “What do you want, I’m catsitting,” she says, exasperated. Dave asks if he can speak to Fin.

 

Eventually Fin comes to the front door and Dave asks him if he’ll come to the orgy and play the role of “orgy shepherd” in order to herd the other orgy-goers away from John, to ensure that Dave has John all to himself. Fin replies: “Why would I want to go to your stupid orgy, I’m asexual.” “You went to an orgy just last week.” “Yes, but that was because it was a Directors Guild orgy. I was networking. Now how does your stupid orgy benefit me, Dave?” Without much else to offer Fin, Dave proposes that he can fix the malfunctioning pool jet that keeps sucking in Fin’s ankle when he sits with his feet in the water. “That sucking sensation on my ankle really does drive me crazy…” Fin considers. Realizing it will also give him some time away from the unpleasant cat Becky is catsitting, Fin ultimately agrees to help.

 

Just then, Dave also receives a call from Granny Dave confirming that she’s secured the guest list. So with orgy patrons en route and Fin on board to herd, the plan for Dave’s grand orgy is all set.

 

The following day, the orgy begins – and it’s going great. There’s a big turnout and Dave has John all to himself – because whenever any orgy patrons try to slide up towards John, Fin tackles them out of the way (which Fin plays off as a frisky sex pounce).

 

While the loud moans can still be heard from inside, Granny Dave stands outside on the Patio, counting her money. She finishes counting – $2000 exactly! Granny Dave kisses the stack of bills before tucking it away in her pocket. However, she looks up to see Becky storming towards the house.

 

Granny Dave blocks the door: “Woah, woah, woah, Becky. I dunno if you want to go in, you know there’s an orgy going on in there, right?” Becky snaps back, gesturing at the noise: “Oh, I’m very aware!” Becky angrily explains that she spent the last two hours trying to coax Lawrence to sleep – and once she finally succeeded, Becky’s brief, blissful moment of peace was ruined when Lawrence was awakened by the uproarious noise coming from the orgy in the main house.

 

Becky goes on to ask Granny Dave to get out of her way, so that she can march right in there and disband the orgy so that Lawrence can nap and stop bothering Becky. Granny Dave responds: “No! You can’t cancel the orgy! It’s too early, everyone will want their money back – I mean, everyone will be upset. Tell you what, Becky, I’ll phone Dave, tell him to quiet everyone down.”

 

Granny Dave eventually manages to convince Becky to stand down and to head back to the Pool House, but Becky explains that she has a decibel meter, and if it goes above 40, she’ll be back.

Not wanting to have all the orgy patrons demanding refunds for a canceled orgy, Granny Dave whips out her walkie talkie to phone Dave. “This is Big D to Little D. Come in, Little D.”

 

Back at the orgy, Dave and John are really starting to form a meaningful connection, until Dave hears his walkie talkie. He excuses himself to take the call, on which Granny Dave explains the impending threat from Becky. Dave says he’ll quiet everyone down, to which Granny Dave replies: “Yeah, at least for another two hours,” then she mutters to herself, “that should put them firmly out of refund range.”

So Dave returns to the bedroom and immediately starts going around the orgy shushing everybody – much to John’s distaste.

 

Dave sidles up back to John and tries to resume their conversation. But every time it feels like their conversation is picking back up, Dave keeps interrupting the conversation to go shush the loud moaners.

So after Dave excuses himself for the fourth time to go explain “silent thrusting” to a noisy fucker, John’s attention naturally starts to drift – and it drifts towards Fin, who is currently doing his job as orgy-shepherd and pinning down a girl who must have gotten a little too close to John. In stark contrast to Dave’s librarian-esque behavior, Fin’s obvious sexual dominance attracts John. So John flirtatiously edges up to Fin and gives him a “hey daddy.”

 

Dave clocks John’s advances and is horrified – Dave grabs Fin and pulls him aside: “Hey, great job today, Fin. I’ll take it from here." Dave hurriedly ushers Fin out of the orgy, which Fin is more than happy to leave.

 

With Fin gone, Dave heaves a sigh of relief, then turns back towards the orgy, but he doesn’t see John. He squints his eyes searching through the pile of bodies, then calls out: “John, you there?” But from the giant body pile, multiple voices pipe up: “Yeah?” “Right here!” “Over here!” Dave is going to have to be more specific: “No no, I'm looking for John Spielberg!”

 

Hearing John’s last name, Fin barges back into the bedroom. “Did you just say Spielberg?”

 

​Upon discovering that John may or may not be related to Steven Spielberg, Fin has no desire to pass up the opportunity to woo potential Hollywood royalty. “What about our agreement!” Dave growls. “Screw the pool jet,” Fin says, “I’m gonna be in the next Star Wars!”

And thus, a battle for John’s attention ensues between Dave and Fin: They both push each other out of the way and talk over each other in an attempt to get John’s attention. This eventually escalates to both Dave and Fin trying to shut each other up by shoving various body parts into each other’s mouths. “Suck on my nipple, Dave.” “No, you eat my ass, Fin!”

John eventually chimes in – “Guys, guys. Why don’t you just suck each other's dicks?” Not wanting to disagree with their precious John, Dave and Fin begrudgingly do it, and angrily lock themselves into a sixty-nining stalemate. The two angrily glare at each other while sucking each other off, as John watches gleefully.

 

Meanwhile, back at the Pool House, Becky heaves a sigh of relief when Lawrence finally stops clawing at her and falls asleep.

 

Back at the orgy, the war for John’s attention continues, but it looks like Fin is managing to overpower Dave and edge him out. Flustered, Dave exits the bedroom with his walkie-talkie and calls up Granny Dave to discuss options.

 

Feeling like he can’t beat Fin, Dave decides to abort the orgy. Before offering her advice, Granny Dave glances at her watch… Feeling like she could stand to kill at least a few more minutes before her money is safely secured, Granny Dave decides to delay Dave’s orgy abortion ever so slightly – so Granny Dave points out that John will hate Dave if Dave is the reason the orgy is canceled. Rather, a better plan is to find a way to get Fin to be the one to ruin the orgy and pin it all on him. Despite Granny Dave offering this advice for selfish purposes, it’s ultimately good advice for Dave, so he thinks it over – until he gets an idea.

 

Dave re-enters the bedroom to find Fin jerking John off with one hand, while Fin holds his phone in the other, showing John his acting reel: “What do you think, John? Good acting, yeah?” John just moans: “Ohhh yeahhh…”

Dave smugly walks over and rather than attempting to break up Fin and John, Dave instead encourages the two lovebirds. In fact, Dave suggests that John try something kinky – and Dave knows just the thing to really get Fin off: “Why don’t you try sucking on Fin’s ankles, John? And I mean, really suck on them. Like with the force of a pool jet.” Fin’s eyes widen in terror, but John is game. John immediately starts performing the ankle sucking, and Fin is doing his best to hide his discomfort and hold in a scream.

 

While this is happening, Dave conspicuously announces to the room in a loud-whisper: “Remember everybody, we have to keep it down! Nobody here wants to be the asshole that gets the orgy canceled, right?”

 

However, Fin’s sensitive ankles can’t handle the tickling anymore – so Fin EXPLODES in the loudest, most decibel-heightening holler ever.

CUT TO: Lawrence’s eyes shoot open. The demon cat immediately starts clawing at Becky again. “THAT’S IT,” Becky shouts before heading for the door.

Becky storms towards the Davidson House where Granny Dave stands as bouncer. Granny Dave intercepts Becky – Granny Dave looks at her watch and holds up her finger for Becky to stop. There’s a brief pause before Granny Dave is satisfied: “Okay, head on in, Becky.”
 

Fin is still screaming in ticklish agony when Becky breaks down the door to the bedroom, wielding a spray bottle filled with cat piss. She points it at Fin: “YOU! LOUD-ASS MOTHERFUCKER!” She then proceeds to douse Fin, then everyone else at the orgy with cat piss. Becky demands: “EVERYBODY GO THE FUCK HOME. ORGY’S OVER.” Drenched in pungent piss, John is furious with Fin – but before leaving, John kisses Dave on the cheek. “It was a great orgy, Dave,” John says before gesturing at Fin, “‘til that asshole ruined it. Call me.”

 

Granny Dave watches as all the half-clothed orgy patrons funnel out of her house and into the streets. “Damn, it’s over…” one orgy-patron says. “Yeah, but I still feel like we got our money’s worth,” another orgy-patron adds. Granny Dave smiles and nods.

 

The next day, Dave and John are holding hands in Dr. Bearenstein’s waiting room, flirting with each other. Dave amorously suggests another orgy next week, to which John agrees.

Just then, Dr. Bearenstein enters and explains that both Dave and John tested negative for everything… except for feline chlamydia. John then slowly removes his hand from Dave’s hand and turns to glare at him. Dave whimpers: “Sooo… same time next week?” But it’s clear Dave’s relationship with John is over.

 

We end on a final scene of Dave sitting by the pool with Granny Dave, Fin, Becky and Theo. Fin’s scrolling on his laptop until he finally manages to find John on Facebook – it turns out that John is merely related to a Roger Spielberg, a Urologist from Oakland. While Fin laments putting himself through all that miserable sex for nothing, Dave discusses plans on how to win John back after Dave was blamed for the feline STD:


“John said nothing like feline chlamydia ever happens at his orgies,” Dave explains. To this, Granny Dave posits: “Well, maybe he’d forgive you if one of his orgies had an animal STD incident too.” While rubbing his chin, Dave replies: “Maybe I could plant some squirrel gonorrhea on his bedsheets?” “Let’s go to the park!!” Theo suggests while putting on his fursuit mask, gearing up for another adventure.

The Crossing Guard

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The episode begins with Dave checking out a somewhat homely crossing guard named Lou from a distance – Dave discusses the crossing guard's appearance with his matchmaker, Madeline. “Him?” Dave asks. “Yes! I think he’d be perfect for you!” Madeline explains. It appears that the loveably incompetent Madeline is trying to set Dave up on a date with a seemingly random neighborhood crossing guard that she doesn’t even know personally.

 

Unimpressed, Dave crosses the street with the intention of going home, but while distracted on the phone, Dave is nearly hit by an incoming Porsche! But, at the last second, he’s yanked to safety by Lou. Enamored by his savior, Dave instantly develops a crush on Lou, but doesn’t get a chance to really chat much before Lou helps Dave across the street and returns to doing his job.

 

Later that day, Dave is hanging out by the pool with Granny Dave, Fin, Becky, and Theo, going over the details of the near-miss: “So this crossing guard named Lou saved me, after I was almost hit by this speeding Porsche.” “Wait wait wait,” Becky slows down, “did you say Porsche? I’ve always wanted to ride a Porsche.” Somewhat callously, Becky cares more about the make and model of the car than the fact that Dave could’ve died.

 

In any case, Dave determines that he must talk to Lou again, so he asks Granny Dave if she’ll pretend to be a feeble old lady so that Dave can help her cross the street. In Dave’s logic, he figures that Granny Dave old-person-shuffling across the cross walk will allow him a long enough chat-window to ask Lou out. (Not to mention, the image of Dave helping an old lady across the street will make Dave look heroic to Lou.)

 

Meanwhile, Becky is totally fixated on the Porsche from Dave’s story, so she decides that she’ll go test-drive a Porsche in order to fulfill her lifelong dream of riding around in a luxury car. Since Theo is the only member of the Shack with a driver’s license, she ropes him into her plan as her chauffeur.

 

The next day, Dave and Granny Dave execute their plan at the crosswalk, but despite getting a proper chance to try and impress Lou, Lou is seemingly uninterested in Dave.

 

Walking home from the failed attempt, Dave comes to the realization that he fell in love with Lou because Lou saved him from getting hit by the oncoming car. So, Dave then devises a new plan: He will get Granny Dave to recklessly drive the car through the intersection towards Lou, and then Dave will heroically appear, push Lou out of the way, and save the day, thus seducing Lou the same way Lou seduced Dave.

The next day, Dave returns to the intersection to execute his plan. It’s all going perfectly, but right when Dave is preparing to yoink Lou out of the way – BANG! Dave is unexpectedly hit by Granny Dave’s car!

 

Dave is thusly hospitalized, and Granny Dave visits him in the emergency room. She apologizes and explains that she hit Dave because she was “distracted while swiping on FetLife.”

 

Meanwhile, Becky and Theo show up at the Porsche dealership, but are refused a test drive. The sales agent explains his reasoning: He gestures to Theo – who is fully clad in his fursuit – and implies that a man dressed as a large animal should not be responsible for operating a three hundred thousand dollar vehicle. Theo is adamant that he’s being unfairly discriminated against as a Furry and as an LGBTQ+ person. But the sales agent explains: “Sir, there’s no F in LGBTQ.” “Plus! I’m the Plus!” Theo spells out.

 

Unable to convince the sales agent, Becky gripes at Theo: “I knew you should have just worn a suit.” “I am wearing a suit!” “Not a fursuit, you idiot!”

 

So while Becky and Theo agree to leave for now, the two realize that the only way they’re going to test drive a Porsche is if they can talk to a lawyer who can help them craft an argument that the Porsche sales agent is actually committing a hate crime if he doesn’t let Theo test drive.

 

Meanwhile, aside from wearing a cast on his left arm, Dave is finally healed enough to return home from the hospital. However, when he opens his front door, he’s shocked to find Granny Dave and Lou post-coital, snuggled up in a blanket on the living room couch, pillows and sex-stank everywhere.

 

Dave gasps: “LOU??” Embarrassed, Lou leaves. And now it becomes clear to Dave: Granny Dave didn’t hit Dave by accident, she hit Dave with the car in order to take him out of the running so that she could woo Lou herself.

 

Granny Dave attempts to pacify Dave: “You’re fine, aren’t you? Honey, in my time on this earth, I’ve hit enough people with enough cars to know how to just wing someone.” Dave admits that he probably would have done the same thing. In fact, rather than being upset, Dave concedes defeat and invites Granny Dave and Lou out to dinner to celebrate their coupling.

Meanwhile, back at the Pool House, Becky and Theo quickly realize that they can’t afford to purchase a consultation with a professional lawyer to discuss hate crime law. Fin overhears their struggle and explains that they should use Dave’s matchmaker, Madeline, to help find them a date with a lawyer – and at dinner with the lawyer, they can get all the free help they need. Fin explains that the “Madeline Method” is how he got his new headshots last week – Madeline set him up with a photographer. Fin explains, “I use her all the time.”

 

So with Fin now on board, the Shack heads over to Madeline’s house. They all sit in Madeline’s office, while Madeline shuffles through her folders: “So, clarify it for me, Fin. What exactly are you looking for in a partner? Tall, short, male, female?” “Lawyer,” Fin explains, deadpan.

 

Meanwhile, Granny Dave and Lou arrive at the restaurant address that Dave gave her for the celebratory dinner – however, she’s confused when she finds herself at the base of a steep foothill in Malibu. Just then, Dave appears: “The restaurant is just up there! It’s just, like, five miles, 90 degree incline. No biggie, right?” Granny Dave isn’t sure if she can physically do that, but Dave just sneers: “Oh, let’s just see if you can keep up.” Clearly bygones are not going to be bygones, and it seems as though it’s Dave’s turn to obstruct Granny Dave. His plan: He’ll use Granny Dave’s older, less athletic body against her.

 

With a smile, Dave leads Lou up the mountain, leaving Granny Dave behind.

 

Hours later, Granny Dave finally shows up at the chalet restaurant, sweating profusely and out of breath. She finds Dave and Lou deep in conversation, having just finished their meals. Clearly the two had a fantastic evening together. When Granny Dave approaches, Lou raves to her about all the other “fun, physical, and strenuous activities” Dave has planned for them tomorrow.

 

Granny Dave, not wanting to be one-upped, explains, “aw Dave, I’m sorry. Lou’s busy tomorrow. I’m… taking him… SKY-DIVING. And I only have two tickets.” “Seriously??” Lou gasps. “I guess I am serious,” Granny Dave sighs.

 

CUT TO the next day: Granny Dave walks through the front door in crutches. (Clearly sky-diving with Lou did not go so great.)

 

Granny Dave says to Dave: “Are you happy? I’m in crutches.” “Just a gentle reminder that you hit me with a car,” Dave responds. The two quickly start bickering, and their argument escalates: “Lou doesn’t even like you!” “He doesn’t even like YOU!”  “Well, let’s just let Lou decide!” Dave and Granny Dave race out the door, both wanting to be the one who gets to Lou first so they can plead their respective cases and win him over once and for all.

 

Meanwhile, Fin is on the date with the lawyer that Madeline hooked him up with. And after Fin promptly gets the info needed to support his hate crime case, he, Becky, and Theo all head over to the Porsche dealership.

 

And so, dressed in a fancy suit and expertly utilizing his acting skills, Fin poses as a lawyer. He marches right up to the sales agent who denied them the test drive and parrots all the legalese he preened from the previous night – and it works! The sales agent reluctantly places the key to the Porsche in Theo’s paws. Becky beams, excited to give the car a spin.

 

Meanwhile, Dave and Granny Dave both arrive at Lou's crosswalk at exactly the same moment. The two teeter on the edge of the curb and elbow at each other as they wait for the traffic signal to display WALK.

 

When it finally does, Dave and Granny Dave race towards Lou, but they barely make it halfway there before their competition descends into wrestling in the middle of the street. Lou furiously whistles at the feuding rivals, but they just keep fighting until – BANG! Both Dave and Granny Dave are hit by a speeding car and flung into the air!

 

CUT TO: Theo behind the wheel of the Porsche, Fin and Becky riding passenger. The doggy head of Theo’s fursuit swivels around as he tries to see what just happened: “I think I just hit someone!” Becky is too busy being zen by the window, letting her hair blow in the breeze: “Nah, you’re good.” “Maybe that guy at the dealership was right,” Theo frets, “I don’t have a full field of vision in this thing.” “Nah, he was just a homophobe,” Fin explains without ever looking up from his phone.

Later that week, we’re back at the Davidson house: Lou announces that breakfast is ready, and moments later, we see Dave and Granny Dave both wheel out of their respective rooms, heavily injured and both confined to wheelchairs.

 

The episode ends with Lou “directing traffic,” as he signals and gestures for the two wheelchair-laden bitter rivals to drive past him down the hallway.

The Lost Dog

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The episode begins with Granny Dave and Leonard fucking. After the two finish, Leonard reminds Granny Dave about the unpaid back taxes she owes. As such, their post-sex pillow talk becomes something of a brainstorm session on how to get their hands on four grand by next week. Leonard tells Granny Dave about his uncle who went to prison for insurance fraud: “Maybe you could try that?” Leonard suggests.

 

Meanwhile, Dave pops into Dr. Bearenstein’s office for his regular STD screening. On his way out, Dave notices a “Lost Dog” flier on the community bulletin board. Dr. Bearenstein laments his old Jack Russell and how happy that dog used to make him. While Bearenstein drones on, Dave clocks the girl on the flier: “Wow, she’s hot.” Dr. Bearenstein points out that the girl’s name is Kelsey and that her phone number is on the flier: “Why not call her up?” Dave responds: “I mean, yeah I’d love to ask her out, she’s drop dead gorgeous, but the woman just lost her dog – I gotta be delicate here.”

 

CUT TO: Dave at the pound, closely examining the dogs. Dave cross-references the flier to make sure he picks out a dog that looks as similar as possible to Donnie (the lost dog on the flier). He eventually finds a close enough match.

 

With his new pup in tow, Dave comes home and shares his plan with Granny Dave, Fin, Becky, and Theo while everyone lounges around the Patio. “So basically, your plan is just hoping that this woman is dumb enough to notice that this isn’t her dog?” Fin asks.  “No, the dog is just my in. I’ll bring Kelsey ‘Fake Donnie’, she’ll realize that it’s not her dog, and we’ll have a sad little moment… but then she and I can go talk about it over dinner,” Dave explains.

 

While Dave shares his plan, Becky is mindlessly scrolling her Instagram’s incessant feed of cute animals, until she comes across a post from a breeder of picture-esque Labrador Retrievers. Inspired by Dave’s impulsive decision to recklessly get a dog for his own selfish endeavors, Becky decides to follow suit and order a Labrador Retriever in order to make her life as idyllic as this breeder presents on Instagram.

 

In any case, the next day, Dave shows up at Kelsey’s with Fake Donnie. While Kelsey is initially ecstatic to see what looks like Donnie, her joy quickly subsides when she realizes this isn’t her dog. Dave feigns surprise and apologizes, then offers to take Kelsey out for dinner as consolation. But Kelsey says no, and reminds Dave that the dog he’s holding is a “lost dog” (as far as Kelsey is aware). So Kelsey insists that they go find Fake Donnie’s owner right now – of course Kelsey is none the wiser that Fake Donnie’s owner is in fact Dave.

 

Unable to tell Kelsey the truth, Dave plays along and the two go canvassing around the neighborhood searching for Fake Donnie’s owner.

 

Meanwhile, Becky’s Labrador Retriever named Fluffy comes in the mail. However, much to Becky’s disappointment, Fluffy is much fatter in person than he looked on Instagram. Unable to stop fixating on her fat dog’s weight, Becky asks Fin if she can feed Fluffy some of his Ozempic, to which Fin agrees.

 

Meanwhile, after nearly a whole week of Dave and Kelsey’s pointless searching, Dave can’t take it anymore. He complains to Granny Dave: “Enough is enough! I am spending 24/7 looking for the owner of a dog I own!! I think it’s time I just give it up and finally ask Kelsey on a normal fucking date.”

 

Later that night at Kelsey’s place, Dave says: “Kelsey, this has gone on long enough.” Kelsey emphatically agrees. Dave continues: “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I think it’s time—” Kelsey interrupts: “It’s time you adopt Fake Donnie as your own, I so agree.” Dave sits there for a moment in silence, then says: “Well, I can’t think of any good excuse as to why I shouldn’t.” Pleased to hear this, Kelsey celebrates the adoption and kisses Dave.

 

While Dave's adoption of Fake Donnie is a boon for his relationship with Kelsey, that little shit-assed bark machine is driving Dave crazy at home. Cue montage of Dave and Kelsey having incredible sex, contrasted by Dave then returning home to find Fake Donnie pissing and shitting everywhere. Rinse and repeat.

 

Meanwhile, Granny Dave is taking Leonard up on his suggestion and putting her insurance fraud plan into action: Granny Dave takes Theo to the supermarket – and like an excitable puppy, Theo runs around the aisles sniffing the snacks. While Theo is distracted, Granny Dave cracks open a water bottle and pours some water on the ground by the freezers. When Theo comes back around, Granny Dave pushes Theo, who slips and falls on the water, then lands on his back and writhing in pain. Granny Dave feigns concern: “Oh my goodness! What a safety hazard!”

 

When a manager comes over, Granny Dave explains that her friend “slipped on an unmarked wet floor,” and that she demands “compensation from the deep pockets of the Kroger corporation’s liability insurance.” The manager sighs, not giving in: “Ma’am, your friend is wearing a fursuit. Your claim is fraudulent, that’s inappropriate footwear.” Granny Dave just looks at the manager, trying to think of some retort… The manager just sighs again and pinches the bridge of his nose: “Look, I’ll give you fifty bucks just to leave.” Granny Dave responds “deal,” before grabbing the writhing Theo and dragging him out of the Ralphs.

 

Back at the house, Dave’s patience for Fake Donnie is wearing razor thin – he needs to figure out a way to get rid of Fake Donnie, without also losing Kelsey in the process. Dave’s first idea is to feign allergies, so he proceeds to drink from the toilet bowl and make himself extremely sick.

 

He goes to Kelsey, coughing and sneezing, and tells Kelsey that he just remembered he is allergic to dogs! Kelsey commiserates: “Oh, nooo. That’s too bad! We have to break up, Dave! I can’t date anybody who can’t be around dogs. After all, what’s gonna happen when my precious Donnie finally comes home?” Dave is silent for a moment, then feigns a realization: “Oh, you know what, this isn’t actually allergies! It’s probably just tuberculosis is all.” Kelsey cautiously takes a step back.

 

Dave returns home, at the end of his rope. And to anger Dave further, he opens his bedroom door to see his room in complete disarray: Fake Donnie lies on Dave’s ripped up mattress, surrounded by tattered posters and torn upholstery.

 

Absolutely furious, Dave impulsively grabs Fake Donnie and leaves with the intent of getting rid of him once and for all. Just as Dave exits, Granny Dave enters, counting the money she made from her property insurance after destroying all of Dave’s furniture.

 

Dave arrives at Dr. Bearenstein’s office with Fake Donnie: “Hey! Dr. B, remember how you were talking about how much you missed your old dog? Well, have a new one.” Dave hands Fake Donnie over, and Dr. Bearenstein is instantly enchanted with this adorable little critter: “Oh my goodness, Dave. I’ll walk her every day! What a blessing.”

 

The next day, Dave, Granny Dave, Fin, Theo, and Becky are all hanging around the Patio. Beside them is Fluffy, who is looking supermodel thin. Dave explains to the group that he now has to figure out how to explain Fake Donnie’s absence to Kelsey: “I can’t just tell her the dog died. She’ll think I was responsible. And even worse, if I tell her the dog ran away, we’ll just spend another week searching for the damn thing. So, any ideas on how I can make Donnie disappear blamelessly?” Granny Dave has an idea: “The best way to put this to bed forever is to fake the dog’s death. But we’ll have to make it look like an accident.”

 

So the next day, Dave pulls up to Kelsey’s place in his car. He walks up to her door and she greets him. Dave asks: “Ready to go to the park?” Kelsey responds: “Of course! Hey, where’s your dog, Dave?” “Oh, he’s just in the car.” Dave points to the car parked across the street, just before it suddenly EXPLODES in a gigantic fireball. Dave feigns devastation: “NO!!! DONNIE’S DEAD!! AND HE DIED IN SUCH A TRULY AWFUL, YET ULTIMATELY BLAMELESS WAY!”

 

Across the street we notice Granny Dave hiding behind a building. She calmly dials her cell phone, then puts it to her ear and suddenly hollers: “HELLO, INSURANCE? MY CAR EXPLODED! IN SUCH A TRULY AWFUL, YET ULTIMATELY BLAMELESS WAY!”

 

Dave and Kelsey hold a mini funeral honoring Fake Donnie’s fake death. There’s a flower-adorned portrait of the pup by the curb where the car blew up. Kelsey weeps in Dave’s arms.

After the funeral, Dave, Granny Dave, Fin, Becky, and Theo are all drinking by the pool. However, Becky suddenly notices something in her Instagram’s incessant feed of cute animals: “Hey Dave, isn’t that your STD doctor with your dog that’s supposed to be dead?” Becky shows Dave her phone, and Dave almost spits out his drink. It appears that Dr. Bearenstein started an Instagram account for Fake Donnie – and the last post has over a million likes.

Dave’s phone then suddenly starts ringing – it’s Kelsey: “Dave! You’ll never believe this! I found the asshole who has my Donnie!” Dave feigns innocence, and Kelsey logics that Dr. Bearenstein’s dog must be her Donnie because Dave’s Fake Donnie is dead. Kelsey exclaims, “Ooh, this bastard boils my blood. I’m gonna hunt him down and steal my Donnie back!” Dave’s eyes bulge, and after he and Kelsey hang up, Dave explains to the group that if Kelsey hunts down Dr. Bearenstein, she’ll see that Dr. Bearenstein has an alive-and-well Fake Donnie – then she’ll connect the dots that Dave staged a dog assassination. (Which is not good.) As Dave rushes away, Becky calls Dave a "horrible dog parent," before she shoots her gaunt dog full of another shot of Ozempic.

 

Later that day, Becky finds Fluffy dead, presumably due to Ozempic overdose. And to complicate matters further, Becky receives a DM from the Instagram breeder she bought from, explaining that they’re going to be sending a handler by tomorrow to perform a standard welfare check, just to see how Fluffy is adapting to life with Becky.

 

Meanwhile, Dave heads to Dr. Bearenstein’s office to retrieve Fake Donnie from him. However, unfortunately for Dave, Dr. Bearenstein absolutely refuses to give up his pup.

 

So Dave once again heads to the pound in hopes of finding a new lookalike dog to swap in for Dr. Bearenstein’s. However, much to Dave’s surprise, wagging in the cage before him is the real Donnie! It seems Kelsey’s dog was recently found by somebody and brought into the pound. “This is perfect! After I do the switcheroo, when Kelsey goes to confront Dr. Bearenstein, she’ll get her actual dog back, rather than finding out about Fake Donnie’s fake assassination!” A volunteer worker at the pound gives Dave a very strange look upon hearing his insane ramblings.

Dave arrives at Dr. Bearenstein’s with the real Donnie in tow. He sneaks in through the back window and carefully swaps the two dogs from their little doggy beds, like Indiana Jones swapping the idol from the pedestal. Mission accomplished! After switching the dogs, Dave recedes back out the window with Fake Donnie, as Kelsey can be heard angrily banging on the front door.

 

From the street, Dave sees Kelsey enter Dr. Bearenstein’s office and start yelling at him about how he’s a filthy dog thief. Satisfied, Dave turns to leave – but suddenly Fake Donnie jumps out of Dave’s arms and starts running back towards Dr. Bearenstein’s office (his rightful owner).

 

Dave runs back to pick up Fake Donnie, but just as he does, Kelsey exits the clinic holding the Real Donnie in her arms – she’s face to face with Dave, who guiltily holds Fake Donnie in his arms. There’s a long awkward silence before Dave tries one last trick: “Oooh, Kellseeey!! It is I; the Ghooost of Dead Fake Donnie!!” Kelsey just glares at Dave; she looks like she’s about to kill him.

 

Meanwhile, we follow Becky posting “Lost Dog” fliers around the neighborhood with Fin. The “Lost Dog” fliers show Becky in a sexy pose alongside a photo of the deceased Fluffy. Becky explains to Fin that her only hope to pass the welfare check is if some desperate creep can scrounge Becky up a lookalike dog (in a Dave-esque manner) as a conversation starter because they thought she looked hot on the flier. The episode ends on a closeup of the flier, emphasizing the double entendre of "Lost Dog" – rest in peace, Fluffy.

Dani Grave

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One evening, Dave is having a night out with Fin, Becky, and Theo at their favorite bar, Hole. Throughout the course of the night, Becky finds herself flirting with a girl; Fin cozies up to a gay casting director; and Theo finds himself hitting it off with a older woman in a fur coat who identifies as a ‘silver fox’ (which Theo misinterprets as meaning she’s a Furry). However, while his friends eventually leave the bar with their respective flings, Dave has had no such luck and continues striking out with men and women all the way until closing time.

 

At closing time, Hole’s drag queen bartender, Daniel (AKA Danliteful), pours one last drink for herself and Dave so that they can bond over their respective failures: Danliteful explains that she’s had a rough night too – that her drag persona isn’t clicking, she’s unsatisfied with her lewk, and she's barely even getting pity laughs from the bar-goers these days. She then starts to get out of her drag uniform – and Dave realizes that the out-of-drag Daniel behind the Danliteful persona is actually a really hot guy. As such, capitalizing on their prior bonding, Dave invites Daniel over for a movie, to which Daniel says, “eh, sure, why not.”

 

Meanwhile, Fin, Becky, and Theo all show up at the Pool House at the same time with their respective flings and they realize that they’re at an impasse: Who gets to sexile the others? This immediately results in arguing. Becky points out: “Fin, you’re not even sexual, why don’t you sit this one out?” Theo suggests to Fin: “Why can’t you guys fool around at this director's house, anyways?” “Because his wife is home obviously,” Fin explains. This goes on and on, but after a few minutes of bickering, Fin, Becky, and Theo turn around to find all three of their sexual conquests have left. Clearly they’re going to need a system for situations like this…

 

Meanwhile, Dave is at home with Daniel – the two talk on the couch while a movie plays in the background. However, they aren’t really having much luck connecting and there are lots of awkward silences.

 

Daniel looks like he’s about to tell Dave he’s heading out… until all of a sudden Granny Dave pops in with a martini in one hand and a gin and tonic in the other. “Gee it’s like a morgue in here,” she hollers before plopping down on the couch, “what are we watching, boys?”

 

Daniel lights up at Granny Dave’s entrance. However, Dave is just embarrassed by his grandmother and wants her gone so that he can get back to his date. Granny Dave obliges and leaves, but with Granny Dave gone, Daniel once again goes sullen. “I guess I should be heading home,” Daniel sighs. But Dave realizes the connection between Daniel’s mood and Granny Dave’s presence – “wait! My grandma was, uh… just about to bring us some food!” Dave says, before calling out for Granny Dave.

 

Granny Dave re-enters the living room in full form: Drinking, smoking, and gobbling a carton of cheese puffs. “Oh fuck I got cheese puffs all down my tits,” Granny Dave cackles. Daniel hoots, he loves her.

 

That night, Dave and Daniel sleep together.

 

The next day, Daniel shows up at the Davidson House to pick up Dave for another date. However, Daniel looks different – he’s now wearing a leopard-print lapel that is strikingly similar to the one that Granny Dave wears. Before Daniel and Dave head out, Daniel asks Granny Dave quite a few questions, all the while inspecting her body, mannerisms, and accent… Dave is getting suspicious, but ultimately keeps Granny Dave around in order to also keep Daniel around.

The next day, Daniel shows up again to the Davidson household, except this time his jewelry is an exact match to Granny Dave’s. And the day after, Daniel is wearing Granny Dave’s lipstick. This pattern continues over and over until Dave finds himself dating his grandmother’s exact double. When Dave finally confronts Daniel and asks him why he’s doing this, Daniel enthusiastically responds. “Why wouldn’t I? I want to be Granny Dave. She is iconic. She’s everything. She’s MOTHER.” Dave is aghast, but Daniel continues: “This is going to be my new lewk, Dave. At next Thursday’s Drag Brunch, I will unveil my new drag persona to the world. And her name will be DANI GRAVE.”

Meanwhile, Fin, Becky, and Theo have gone to the lengths of hiring a mathematician to help them draw up an airtight formula that will accurately and logically calculate a priority-based system for sexiling in the Shack – the goal of this “sexile algorithm” is to determine an unbiased, objective value that decides which party gets to fuck in the pool house in the event that they all show up with sexual conquests simultaneously again. (Factors include Becky getting deprioritized when she’s on her period, an attractiveness-of-hookup value slider, the breed of Furry that Theo takes home, etc).

 

The mathematician completes the document, and everyone enthusiastically shakes hands, celebrating their new agreement.

 

Meanwhile, at a routine screening at Dr. Bearenstein’s, Dave discusses his relationship with Daniel: Dave knows that Daniel is transforming into Granny Dave, and while Daniel’s newfound joie de vivre has made him a demon in the sack, Dave is quickly reaching a point in which his partner’s growing resemblance to his grandmother is making it increasingly difficult to stay hard. So Dave determines that he has to halt Daniel’s metamorphosis into Granny Dave before it completes on Thursday’s Drag Brunch. To do this, Dave plans to find a new inspiring female icon for Daniel to copy before then.

 

So Dave rounds up a few alcoholic women from the bus stop and auditions them, until he eventually finds Melinda, a promising enough protégé that he thinks he’ll be able to mold into the next Jennifer Coolidge.

 

Meanwhile, having not heard from Daniel in a few days, Granny Dave decides to head over to Daniel's place to see if he needs anything else to help with his transformation. However, Daniel ensures Granny Dave that he has a handle on everything. So Daniel profusely thanks Granny Dave for her service, before sending her off with a fruit bouquet as a thank you present. Granny Dave hugs Daniel goodbye, a tear in her eye. High off of having helped this struggling drag queen, Granny Dave decides that she should go offer her services to another.

Meanwhile, Dave’s education program begins: He forces Melinda to watch every Golden Girls episode and listen to every Ariana Grande album – and Dave also puts her through a rigorous exercise regimen of twerking and twirling. After a few days of tutoring and preparation, Dave thinks Melinda is ready.

 

Meanwhile, Granny Dave walks around Santa Monica Blvd in search of a struggling drag queen. Eventually, she happens upon Teen LaQueefa, a drag queen with a rather indiscriminate lewk. So Granny Dave approaches and offers some good advice on how to really pop: Granny Dave suggests that Teen LaQueefa go bigger – more volume on her hair; higher heels; longer nails, lashes, and nipples… However, in stark contrast to the grateful Dani Grave, Teen LaQueefa merely takes this genuinely constructive criticism as an insult. “Bitch, who asked??” Teen LaQueefa says, before slapping Granny Dave across the cheek and clacking away in her heels.

Meanwhile, with his protégé now trained, Dave takes Melinda – who is now dolled up like Dolly Parton – to Hole before Daniel is getting ready to go on stage as Dani Grave. However, at Hole, Dave’s alcoholic protégé quickly sneaks some drinks and gets drunk – Melinda is now having trouble walking, let alone “giving” and being witty. Thus, Dave’s protégé fails to portray herself as a sufficient mother to Daniel. And indeed, Daniel is completely unenticed by the underperforming Melinda.

 

Beyond frustrated at having failed to re-direct Daniel’s inspiration, Dave has a true diva moment and goes off at Melinda for her incompetence: “You throw it back like thisss when you should be throwing it back like THIS,” Dave says while throwing it back in perfect form, before going on and on: Look at my hips! Look at my hips, Melinda. Look at how I move them.” After finishing his tantrum, Dave storms out of the bar, leaving Daniel and the rest of the brunch-goers dumbstruck.

Meanwhile, the next night, Fin, Becky, and Theo coincidentally all come home again at the same time, each with a respective date in tow. They all stare at each other for a brief moment before we CUT TO:

Fin, Becky, and Theo huddle around their document, whip out a couple calculators and do some quick napkin math… until – Theo celebrates: “Woohoo! It’s me!” Theo is about to enter the Pool House with his hookup, but Fin and Becky just explode and stop Theo in his tracks: “You're not going anywhere, I never trusted that algorithm for a second!” “That math nerd was a fraud!” This arguing goes on, and by the time everyone turns around, once again, all three of their dates have already left.

 

Meanwhile, Dave is back at the house, sitting on the couch, feeling defeated… Suddenly, the doorbell rings, and Dave answers the door. And to his surprise, standing right before him is Daniel (who is out of drag). “Listen, Daniel, it’s not gonna work,” Dave explains. “No! Shush, Dave. I found a muse that’s even better than Granny Dave. Go wait in the bedroom.”

 

So Dave sits on the bed waiting for Daniel to come out – like a husband waiting for his wife in lingerie. Daniel then emerges from the doorway, and he’s dressed as… Dave!?

 

Daniel has assumed the blue shirt, the five-o’clock shadow, the jewfro, everything. “Introducing my newest drag persona: DANI DAVE!!” Apparently Daniel was so inspired by Dave’s diva performance at Hole, that he decided to base his new lewk after Dave.

 

“It was you all along, Dave. You were the icon all along,” Daniel explains between kisses. Dave just throws his hands up, disgusted. “Ok, I’m out.” Dave then kicks Daniel out, as somehow Daniel dressing up as Dave is even worse than when Daniel cosplayed as Dave's grandmother.

 

The episode ends with Teen LaQueefa finishing up a drag race competition at a gay club. She exits the stage and the MC praises her performance: “That was a great set from Teen LaQueefa! But was it enough to take home the crown…?” Teen LaQueefa smugly puts her hands on her hips, until the MC continues: “...No it wasn’t! Because tonight’s big winner was Granny LaQueefa!” We widen to reveal Granny Dave onstage, who is dressed as an exaggerated version of Teen LaQueefa – in much the same fashion that Dani Grave was an exaggerated version of Granny Dave.

 

“Next time, you take my advice, sweetie,” Granny Dave says while patronizingly patting Teen LaQueefa on the cheek. Granny Dave then receives a giant golden trophy from the MC.

The Infestation

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The episode begins with Dave in Madeline’s office as the two discuss potential matches – however, Dave can’t focus on anything Madeline is saying, as he’s too busy gawking at the gorgeous, voluptuous exterminator that keeps passing by in the other room. Madeline explains that that’s just Tatiana, who’s just on her way out after having helped with a small roach problem. Dave asks Madeline if he can ask Tatiana out, but Madeline believes it would be unprofessional for Dave to date her exterminator. But while Madeline refuses to give Dave Tatiana’s personal number, Madeline does give Dave the number for the extermination company she works for, in case Dave ever has a pest problem.

Not one to respect the professional boundary Madeline is putting up, Dave calls to set up an appointment with the extermination company in order to meet with Tatiana behind Madeline's back and secure a date.

So the next day, Tatiana shows up at the Davidson House for an inspection. However, Dave is barely able to make conversation with her, because Tatiana quickly notices the complete lack of roaches in the house and promptly leaves. As such, Dave realizes he’s going to have to try again, and next time, he’s going to need to have some roaches handy in order to entice Tatiana and keep her around long enough so that he can ask her out.

The next day, Dave, Granny Dave, Fin, Becky, and Theo are all hanging around the Patio. While everyone else drinks, Becky is running lines with Fin, helping him prepare for an upcoming audition for a Western series. However, while Fin is giving a decent performance, everyone criticizes his mediocre Southern accent.

 

Between Fin and Becky’s takes, Dave divulges that his plan is to buy cockroach eggs and plant them all around the house. After they hatch, the house will be teeming with roaches, which will grant Dave the chance to chat with Tatiana. However, unfortunately for Dave, everyone is surprisingly very opposed to this idea, and he’s outvoted four to one.

 

While being forbidden to plant roaches at his grandmother’s house is a setback, Dave isn’t giving up. Dave’s new plan is to rent a shithole apartment in a filthy part of town that comes pre-installed with roaches. So, Dave calls up a real estate agent, and the agent asks Dave what he’s looking for in a flat, to which Dave replies: “Dark, humid, lots of small crevices to lay eggs in.”

 

Meanwhile, Granny Dave is having a drink at Hole, and she comes across Gary, a gay nineteen-year-old who’s crying and drowning his sorrows in alcohol. Gary explains to Granny Dave that his Christian, Right-Wing parents threw him out of their house earlier that day when they found all the hardcore gay porn saved to his laptop – and now, he has nowhere to go. Moved by the stray gay’s plight, Granny Dave decides to offer Gary a roof over his head at her place – she offers up Dave’s room since he’ll be away doing his whole roach scheme.

 

Later that evening, upon moving into Granny Dave’s house, Gary suddenly remembers that he has another friend who’s also currently dealing with homophobic parents. Granny Dave agrees that Gary’s friend can move in too – but it’s clear that a potential If You Give a Mouse a Cookie-esque scenario may be brewing.

 

Meanwhile, Dave has moved into a crack den-like apartment in DTLA and is living his roach-infested fantasy. So Dave confidently calls up the extermination company once more. But this time, the company sends Daryl, a homely and undesirable exterminator. Dave asks about Tatiana, and Daryl explains that Tatiana no longer works with roaches because she got promoted to “reptile duty.”

Not one to give up, Dave takes it upon himself to buy a bushel of snakes to populate his apartment with. He once again calls the extermination company, and they say that Tatiana can show up on Friday. Dave gleefully declares, “I’ll be here with bells on.”

 

Meanwhile, we return to the Davidson household to find out that Gary has rapidly developed from a shy, broken gay into a tyrannical queen. The house is now occupied by swaths of Gary’s ilk, and these parasitic gays constantly host late night orgies and blast Europop late into the night.

 

In fact, the Davidson House has become so inhabitable to Granny Dave that Theo finds her camped out in the backyard, living outside. Granny Dave explains that she simply couldn’t say no to helping more and more troubled queer youths, even if it meant being pushed out of her own home.

 

Meanwhile, Dave’s sordid neighbors are losing their minds over the mysterious and sudden influx of abnormal pests in the apartment building – and they are looking to destroy whoever is responsible. Dave plays along as he passes by the furious vagrants in the hallway: “Haha, yeah guys! Can’t wait till we can really lay into whoever did all that crazy stuff, huh?” Dave then keeps his head down, hoping he can evade detection long enough to make it to his appointment with Tatiana on Friday.

 

Meanwhile, Theo stews. Angry on her behalf and believing that poor old Granny Dave deserves to have her own space, Theo decides to march right into the main house to give Gary and co a piece of his mind: “I think you all need to move on out. You got an old lady living outside. That’s not very courteous if you ask me.” Surprisingly, Gary is seemingly responsive to Theo’s request. “Sure, we’ll leave,” Gary teases, “but I think we would all leave a lot faster if you did us a favor?” “Perfect! What do you need?” Theo asks. “Well, if you can get us all forty hits of ecstasy, I think that would really help us along the whole ‘moving out’ situation,” Gary explains, clearly lying just to manipulate Theo into scoring drugs for them. “You got it!” Theo says with a smile on his face.

 

Thus, oblivious to Gary’s deception, Theo embarks on a quest to obtain forty hits of ecstasy. This takes Theo on a wild goose chase around the seamy underbelly of LA, accruing info little by little on how to actually get his hands on these drugs.

 

Meanwhile, Granny Dave is getting hungry while camping outside. She tries to enter the house to go cook some dinner, but the stove is broken and she finds the fridge completely empty anyways. So Granny Dave returns outside – and she sees a squirrel beside her tent. Granny Dave stares at the squirrel for a moment…

CUT TO: Granny Dave roasting a squirrel on a stick by a small bonfire she made by the bushes. It appears that Granny Dave will be embracing the life of a wild man while living in the wilderness that is her backyard.

The next evening, Fin and Becky are again running lines in the Pool House, when they’re rudely interrupted by a stray gay from the main house who barges in, desperately looking for a toilet to throw up in. Infuriated, Becky violently throws out the trespasser, saying: “It’s one thing for them to ruin Granny Dave’s life. But as soon as they start ruining our place, they’ve gone too far.”

Becky tries booby trapping the Patio around the Pool House, but over the coming days, more and more stray gays keep finding their way into the Pool House to use the shower, sleep in Theo’s bed, or eat the Shack’s snacks. Becky is infuriated and decides that the only way they can keep these interlopers out is by taking shifts standing guard.

 

Meanwhile, Dave miraculously evades detection long enough to make it to Friday, and, at long last, Tatiana comes over to wrangle the snakes. With Tatiana’s work cut out for her, Dave is able to chat her up long enough to successfully put on the moves and charm her, thus securing a date. Dave suggests that he and Tatiana go watch a movie at Dave's "real place.”

Not long after Dave and Tatiana leave the seedy apartment does Theo arrive – still on his quest to obtain the forty hits of ecstasy. Theo knocks on Dave’s neighbors’ door, and stiltedly parrots what he’s heard from his sources so far: “Hey ‘dawg’! Is this ‘Miguel the Stabber’? I’m just here to ‘score’ some ‘Disco Biscuits’ from your ‘stash,’ ya ‘dig’?” Dave’s neighbors just look at Theo with disgust before beating him up and declaring that Theo must be the crazy nutjob who let all the snakes loose in the apartment complex.

That evening, Fin is sat in a rocking chair outside the Pool House, reading his lines as he passes the time standing guard. However, he suddenly hears a twig snap. Still in-character, Fin whips out a prop shotgun and points it at a stray gay who appears to be coming towards the Pool House. In his now perfected Southern accent, Fin growls: “Woah there, boy, where ya think yer goin’?” The stray gay responds: “Look, I was just passing by!” “You keep on passin’ then, boy,” Fin says, without ever taking the sights of his prop shotgun off of the stray gay, “y’all don’t want any trouble, do ya? Cus’ yer kind don’t belong here, immafraid.”

Sufficiently terrified, the stray gay scurries back into the main house. Fin calls out to Becky: “How was that?” Becky yells from the Pool House: “Sounded more like a Cajun drawl to me.” Fin furrows his brow and gets back to studying his lines.

 

Later, Dave and Tatiana arrive at the Davidson House, excited to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie. However, when they open the front door, they’re shocked to find swarms of strangers (Gary and his gays) raiding the cabinets, huddled up in groups, and rooting through the garbag. “Dave, who are these people?” Tatiana asks. “I have no idea,” Dave says.

So without missing a beat, Tatiana taps into her professional instincts and reaches for the fire extinguisher. She starts spraying Gary and his posse, and pandemonium ensues. The gays all scatter and bump into each other – one even falls to his back and starts writhing his arms and legs in the air like a dying cockroach. Eventually, they all run in fear out the front door, Tatiana having effectively exterminated the house’s stray gay infestation.

 

While this is happening, Theo walks up to the house, bruised and bloody, but somehow holding all forty hits of ecstasy. He looks up to see Gary and the crowd scattering out the front door in droves. “I did it! It worked!” Theo says, apparently under the impression that his mere possession of the ecstasy is somehow causing the mass exodus he’s watching. Theo jumps for joy before ultimately fainting from blood loss on the front lawn.

Meanwhile, Granny Dave has gone full wilderness expert: She has a sustainable garden of veggies in the grassy fringe by the bushes, a properly dug latrine, and compostable pile of squirrel remains. But Fin and Becky approach her to tell her that it’s over, and that she can move back into the main house now. “Thank God, I hate it out here,” Granny Dave says before promptly tearing up her garden, disassembling her tent, and rushing inside.


In the end, Granny Dave declares that she learned an important lesson about helping people less. Fin receives a text that he got a callback for the Western. He asks if anybody is up to help him run lines. Granny Dave responds: “What did I just say? Nobody help him, guys.”

Sugar

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Dave is at Hole, having some drinks and chatting with Dani Grave. During their discussion, the two make a bet on whether or not Judy Garland is still alive. Dave loses the bet and is forced to fork over a hundred bucks to Dani Grave. However, from across the bar, a cute twink named Matt happens to observe this transaction. Matt misconstrues Dave’s payment as a tip, so Matt decides to approach Dave under the impression that Dave is wealthy enough to be going around leaving hundred dollar tips to drag queens.

 

While Dave is initially confused by Matt’s advances, Dave soon realizes that Matt is looking for a sugar daddy. Liking the attention and not wanting to disappoint, Dave decides to assume the role. And after offering to pay Matt’s bar tab for him (which Matt loves), Dave and Matt head back to Dave’s place to stay the night and have sex.

Meanwhile, Granny Dave is also having her own fun with Leonard. After the two finish having sex, Leonard reminds Granny Dave that she has to pay another sizable incoming property tax bill or she may lose the house. “What’s the damage?” Granny Dave asks. “$10,000. By Wednesday,” says Leonard with a grave tone.

The next morning, Matt wants to head out for a day of shopping, and he expects Dave, his “sugar daddy,” to give him some money for the day. So Dave forks over his credit cards to Matt – Granny Dave enters the living room to witness the exchange just before Matt leaves. Granny Dave initially assumes that Dave is being robbed by a slim, boyish mugger, but Dave corrects her and explains that he’s simply assuming the role of sugar daddy. This sparks a revelation for Granny Dave, as she is reminded that desperate idiotic men like Dave will pay good money for attention from a young piece of meat.

 

In any case, Dave continues his relationship with Matt, and their love is thriving, but when Dave’s credit cards are maxed out one by one, Dave is harshly reminded that he is in fact poor. Realizing that his current setup is unsustainable, Dave decides to get a sugar daddy for himself to subsidize his own sugar baby – thus unintentionally forming something akin to a sugar daddy ponzi scheme.

 

So we CUT to see Dave at a restaurant on a date with a middle-aged, overweight man named Tony, to whom Dave is seducing with baby talk: “Thank you fow coming out wit me, daddy. I’ve just been so fiscawy iwesponsible,” Dave says while rubbing his nipples. Tony is super turned on by Dave, so when the check comes, Tony immediately slaps down his AMEX. So with Tony on the hook, Dave thinks it should be smooth sailing with Matt from here.

 

Meanwhile Granny Dave believes that she’s put together a plan to drum up the $10,000 she needs before Wednesday, so she approaches Fin with the business opportunity: The two of them should get into the sugar baby business. She asks Fin if he’d be willing to offer his good looks and ability to have sex with people for personal gain. That, combined with Granny Dave’s rolodex of horny geriatrics, will allow the two of them to make bank.

Fin agrees, so Granny Dave sets him up on a date. It goes great, and Fin successfully gets their first payment. He hands Granny Dave her half of the money and the two high-five in celebration of their successful business endeavor.

Meanwhile, Dave is on a date with Matt. The two are making out on the couch, but Dave keeps getting distracted by incessant text messages from Tony. While Dave tries to ignore the text messages, eventually he has no choice but to give Tony some attention when Tony sends a text stating: “I guess my baby doesn’t want his sugar anymore,” followed by a miasma of angry emojis.

So Dave excuses himself to Matt, saying that he urgently has to respond to his “accountant or whatever.” So Dave takes his phone into the bathroom to briefly FaceTime with Tony – Dave props his phone up on the toilet and impatiently bends forward, exposing his butthole to Tony. Dave keeps glancing at his watch while Tony masturbates at an excruciatingly glacial pace.

Upon Tony’s eventual climax, Dave finally returns to Matt to find Matt heading out the front door due to being fed up with Dave’s divided attention. However, Dave eventually manages to coax Matt back to making out on the couch by offering up a backrub, a foot massage, and $1200 cash.

So while Dave does manage to keep Matt satisfied for now, he feels like he’s treading water. While Dave would like to solely focus on Matt, he still has to respond to Tony’s text messages with at least the bare minimum of attention, otherwise he risks alienating his income source. And between keeping two separate schedules for Matt and Tony, the complex financial bookkeeping, and incessant text message responding, Dave realizes that he needs to hire a secretary. Which he does, by cutting Theo into the business for a small percentage of Tony’s payments. Now, Dave can just focus on Matt and Tony, while Theo handles all the boring logistics. Theo’s duties also include supplying Tony with a steady stream of butthole pictures, which Dave explains Theo can provide with his own hole, as Dave doubts Tony will be able to tell the difference.

Meanwhile, business is booming on Granny Dave’s end. Granny Dave drives Fin all around Los Angeles, from house to house for date after date with their geriatric clientele. However, Fin is already starting to look a little ragged from all this sex work… He’s getting bags under his eyes and he seems exhausted…

Meanwhile, operations are running more smoothly with Theo’s assistance. While Theo is furiously typing away at his little makeshift secretary desk. Dave relaxedly kicks back on the couch and brags: “Look at this incredible Rolex. Tony gave it to me. I’m gonna give it to Matt tonight.”

 

However, while Dave is de-stressed, it’s Theo’s turn to be overworked and at the end of his rope. Theo asks how much longer Dave’s going to need him to do this, to which Dave replies “I’m not sure. Maybe forever? You know, if me and Matt get married.” Theo gulps. As a people-pleaser, he’s too embarrassed to tell Dave he wants to quit. So, seeing no other way out of this nightmare job, Theo decides to go scorched-earth and schedule Dave’s date with both Matt and Tony on Tuesday.

Meanwhile, Wednesday’s property tax payment deadline is rapidly approaching for Granny Dave, and she is getting increasingly anxious about reaching the sum of money she needs. As such, her and Fin’s business model has gone full pimp/prostitute at this point. 

But after an overworked Fin blows part of Granny Dave’s cut on a fancy spa day to treat the puffy eyes he was developing, an exasperated Granny Dave finds herself asking “where’s my motherfuckin’ money, bitch!” as she beats Fin mercilessly with her pimp cane.

 

Meanwhile, Tuesday night's date comes, and Dave is at a restaurant waiting for Matt – but he is horrified when both Matt and Tony show up. After Tony recognizes Matt to be wearing the exact same Rolex that Tony gave Dave, Tony deduces that Tony’s sugar is just trickling down from Dave to Matt – as such Tony posits that Dave is just an unnecessary middleman in the whole equation. So Tony suggests that he and Matt cut Dave out, to which Matt happily agrees.

With Dave out of the picture, Matt boasts to Tony: “Finally! A real sugar daddy! And not another imposter!” However, Tony’s attention is elsewhere – he receives a call and on the other end is an extremely elderly man who is plugged into a million life support tubes while his trembling, arthritic hands hold giant stacks of cash. The elderly man wheezes: “Tony!!! Where’s my little boy bitch! Come give daddy what daddy wants!”

Meanwhile, back at the house, Becky enters the Davidson House’s backdoor and is met with the sight of Granny Dave counting her money as she holds a leather leash tied to a harness-clad twink named Ronaldo – who Granny Dave explains is her new “bottom bitch.” Unfazed, Becky says: “Whatever, I’m just here to grab some ice for Fin. He took quite a beating last night.” Granny Dave yanks on Ronaldo’s chain: “You hear that? That’s what happens when you don’t follow orders.”

Who Pooped in the Pool?

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Dave, Granny Dave, Fin, Becky, and Theo are all gathered around the Patio. However, Dave, Fin, Becky, and Theo are all loudly bickering.

Dave is angry that Theo scared off Jessica, the girl Dave brought home last night. “How was I supposed to know she was afraid of dogs??” Theo quavers. Additionally, Fin is furious at Becky because the cat that Becky’s been catsitting again named Lawrence has completely clawed up Fin’s only winter coat. “What do you even need a winter coat for? LA’s a desert,” Becky protests. But Fin maintains: “Exactly! Deserts get cold at night!!”

But Granny Dave can’t take the yelling anymore, so she finally cuts through the noise and declares that she’s had enough: “You bastards have been at each other’s throats for weeks now, and I’m sick of it.”

So Granny Dave proposes a pool party tomorrow to help lighten the mood, bond everyone, and make the Patio chill again. However, Dave, Fin, Becky, and Theo are all resistant to the idea, as nobody wants to make amends. Furthermore, Dave protests that Jessica offered to give him one more chance tomorrow; Becky protests that she has to take Lawrence on a “very long walk” to get his energy out; and Theo protests that he has an important doctor’s appointment tomorrow.

But Granny Dave says she doesn’t care about any of that. “Nope. Everyone’s asses are gonna be in the pool tomorrow. Playing Marco Polo. And you are gonna like it.”

So despite everyone’s bellyaching, the next day rolls around and indeed the pool party begins. Granny Dave emerges from the house in her swimsuit, ready to hop in the water with everyone else, until Fin suddenly notices something brown and coiled floating in the middle of the pool. It’s a… “POOP!!!”

And with that, everyone screams and scrambles out of the pool, before leaving the premises entirely with a collective “fuck this, I’m outta here.”

 

Left alone by the pool, Granny Dave is infuriated. She snatches the pool net and exasperatedly fishes the turd out, while muttering under her breath: “This was no accident.”

So the next day, Granny Dave summons Dave, Fin, Becky, and Theo to the Patio to stand before her. Gently lain on a paper plate is exhibit A – the poop. “Now, I’ve gathered you all here today because one of you…” Granny Dave says, before pausing for dramatic effect, “...is a poopetrator.”

 

And so begins the poo-dunnit: Granny Dave believes that someone intentionally pooped in the pool in order to cancel the party. Whether due to spite, refusal to make amends, or conflicting plans for the day of the pool party, Granny Dave believes that everyone had a motive. And she threatens that whatever “asshole” did it is going to have to clean the whole pool from top to bottom.

 

This quickly descends into an impassioned argument between everybody – Dave argues: “It was obviously Becky, because she’s petty as hell and refuses to move on.” Becky argues: No! It was Fin! Because he’s like autistic or something and hates bonding with other human beings!” And Fin argues: “Clearly Theo had to go to his precious doctor’s appointment, so he pooped in the pool!”

 

However, the conversation reaches accord when Fin, Becky, and Theo all realize that pooping in a pool is completely in character for the desperate Dave if it meant he could go on his date with Jessica. Dave vehemently denies that the poop was his doing, but with consensus reached, it’s looking highly likely that Dave is soon going to be the one sentenced to clean the pool.

 

That night, Dave is tossing and turning in bed, frustrated by his imminent wrongful conviction… until it hits him. Dave picks up his phone and group-texts the Shack of Queers to meet him for a secret meeting in the backyard in ten minutes.

 

Dave quietly exits the back door and approaches a groggy looking Becky and Theo, and Fin who’s visibly shivering in the cold night. The four go in for a clandestine huddle, illuminated dramatically by the cyan glow of the pool lights: Dave explains in a hushed growl that the whole “poop in the pool thing” is all Granny Dave’s elaborate scheme – that Granny Dave planted the poop in order to mastermind some sick, twisted way of returning peace to the Patio. “Granny Dave thinks that we’ll all stop arguing if I’m framed as a scapegoat for everyone to dogpile on,” Dave hypothesizes. Theo questions: “You really think Granny Dave would do that? Plant a poop in the pool?” “Look, I know Granny Dave better than all of you,” Dave says, “and that’s exactly what she would do.” Fin, Becky, and Theo all nod, as they get behind Dave’s theory.

So the next day, they all go to confront Granny Dave. However, Granny Dave denies the allegations, calling them absurd. So the Shack is torn, some siding with Dave, others siding with Granny Dave. The situation once again breaks out into everyone screaming at each other. Becky even starts shoving Dave, telling him to stop deflecting and just admit the truth already. However, their physicality accidentally results in the two of them pushing Granny Dave, who falls FACE FIRST into the poop that is still sitting on the table from the previous day.

There’s a pregnant silence in which everyone is too shocked to speak. Granny Dave is aghast, her cheeks and lips coated in brown… until suddenly, she realizes: “It’s delicious…”

 

Granny Dave grabs what’s left of the “poop” and splits it open to find white chocolate chips and purple sprinkles inside. Granny Dave realizes that the poop is just a rolled up brownie.

 

Theo sighs in relief: “Phew, so nobody pooped in the pool after all!” But Granny Dave snaps back: “This doesn’t change anything! One of you traitors still turned my pool party into a poo party! And this is just the clue I need to figure out who.”

 

So with the brownie lead, Granny Dave goes to every bakery in West Hollywood in hopes of finding a positive ID. She eventually finds an obscure 24/7 Turkish pastry shop that indeed sells brownies with white chocolate chips and purple sprinkles. So she presents the proprietor with a few photographs of her potential perps and asks if he remembers selling the brownie to any of them.

 

“The little boy who think he doggy! He order brownie!” the proprietor explains. “Are you sure?” “Oh yes! You don’t forget crazy giant doggy who order brownie at 2AM.” And with that, Granny Dave has everything she needs.

 

The next day, Dave, Fin, and Becky are sitting around drinking while they watch Theo clean the grime from the pool tile with his toothbrush. Becky says, “I don’t understand why Theo did it. He rescheduled his doctor’s appointment just fine.” Fin explains: “It makes perfect sense, Becky. It was his way of getting back at us for all the shit we give him.” Dave and Fin seem satisfied with this explanation, but something isn’t quite adding up for Becky.

 

So later that day, Becky decides to pay this Turkish bakery a visit by herself: “And you’re sure it was the Furry?” Becky asks. “Yes, I tell you, it was the boy who think he doggy. The boy who walk funny!” Becky finds that last detail odd: “Walks funny?” She then asks if he has any CCTV footage of the incident. And when she is shown the footage, it all adds up.

When Becky returns home, she gathers everyone at the Patio to share her theory: Becky posits that Theo is innocent. She explains that when she saw the bakery’s CCTV footage, she noticed that the person in the fursuit was walking unnaturally – “this is because the person in the fursuit was clearly too large to properly fit in it!” Theo gasps: “So I was framed???”

 

“Not quite, it’s a bit of a red herring” Becky says in a Sherlock Holmes-esque manner. “I submit that the perp used your fursuit while you were sleeping merely because…” Becky turns and points an accusatory finger at Fin – “because he was COLD!”

 

Becky recounts, while puffing on her vape pen like it’s a briar pipe: “It was 1:45 AM. Tuesday night. Fin snuck out to go buy a brownie, but because his autism – or whatever he’s got going on – makes him extremely susceptible to unpleasant sensory stimuli, he turned back to get his winter coat. But because Lawrence had already clawed it up, Fin had no choice but to steal Theo’s fursuit instead.”

 

Fin is sweating bullets. “But…” Granny Dave thinks, “the only thing that doesn’t make sense to me is the motive. Why would Fin want to cancel my pool party??” Becky concedes, “I have to admit, I wondered that too… until it hit me: Fin can’t swim!” Everyone gasps.

 

Becky goes on to conclude that whenever the gang is hanging out in the pool, Fin is always out of the water working the grill. And even during the pool party, Fin was only ever in the shallow end. Becky even posits that Fin was probably terrified that a round of Marco Polo would have had him blindly drift into the deep end of the pool, thus outing his terribly embarrassing secret to everyone.

 

But Fin denies the allegations, saying there’s no proof. So, without warning, Granny Dave just shoves Fin into the deep end to see how he handles it.

 

Fin hits the water with a SPLASH, and he immediately starts screaming and flailing as he struggles to stay afloat. Dave, Granny Dave, Becky, and Theo all share a moment of triumph as they watch Fin drown – Becky’s theory has been proven correct! However, their triumph quickly fades when everyone sees a brown cloud form in the pool around Fin… It seems that the fear of death has caused Fin to shit himself.


Several weeks later – and several thorough pool cleanings later – Dave and the gang are all in the pool teaching a flustered and floatie-clad Fin how to swim. With everyone laughing and having a good time, the good Patio vibes have indeed been restored.

The Trial

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Dave, Fin, Becky, and Theo are all hanging around the Patio when Granny Dave enters holding some mail. She hands letters to Dave and Becky, who have both coincidentally received summons for jury duty.

So Dave and Becky indeed head to the LA Metropolitan Courthouse where they are selected to serve on the trial of Markenson vs The State of California, an all-but-confirmed murder prosecution. However, unfortunately for the state of California, Dave thinks Markenson, the suspected murderer, is hot. Feeling that it would be a crime to lock Markenson’s gorgeous face away for life, Dave is unable to be impartial. So, Dave knows that he’s going to have to try to convince the rest of the jury that Markenson is innocent in a 12 Angry Men-esque fashion. (Even if it proves hard with the overwhelmingly guilty evidence.)

 

Dave starts small by focusing on winning Becky’s vote: Not looking forward to being sequestered from her Instagram feed for several days, Becky simply responds: “Sure, innocent, whatever gets me home fastest.”

Meanwhile, back at the Davidson House, Granny Dave is getting tag teamed by the LA Rugby Club. While getting railed, her phone starts buzzing – Granny Dave looks over to see that it’s Leonard calling. She picks it up, and Leonard asks her if she’d be interested in getting dinner tonight. Between gasps and moans, Granny Dave explains that she’s a little tied up at the moment, but “perhaps another time.” She hangs up, and Leonard – who was clearly able to overhear the violently sexual remarks yelled at Granny Dave in the background of their call – is left feeling disappointed and dejected.

 

Meanwhile, Fin and Theo are watching TV in the Pool House. Having heard that Fin and Becky are supposed to be on the jury of the Markenson case, Fin and Theo decide to watch the televised broadcast. They turn to Court TV and watch a little before quickly becoming bored. So, in an effort to make watching the legal proceedings more interesting, Fin suggests that they turn it into a drinking game. Theo agrees, and the two decide to take a shot once for every bang of the gavel. To make things even more interesting, Theo suggests that the two compete for money – first person to back out has to pay the other ten bucks. But Fin has a better idea – he suggests fifteen bucks.

 

Meanwhile, back at the LA Courthouse, the prosecuting lawyer is presenting his case against Markenson. Much to Dave’s chagrin, the prosecution is making some decent points, and Markenson’s lawyer is too incompetent to rebut convincingly. So while the prosecutor presents compelling evidence, Dave does Markenson’s lawyer’s job for him and whispers hushed “objections!” to his peers in the jury, doing his best to obfuscate the prosecutor’s case. “And the defendant’s fingerprints were found all over the crime scene!” the prosecuting lawyer explains. Dave turns to the jury and whispers, “I mean, come on, all fingerprints look basically the same, who’s to say who those belong to really.”

At the end of the first day of the trial, while the jury starts heading to the Marriott to sequester, Dave asks everyone how they’re feeling to get the pulse on how everyone’s planning to vote. Unfortunately for Dave, most people are still firmly in the “guilty” category. However, it suddenly hits Dave that the vast majority of his peers are women – with the exception of one other guy who looks rather fruity. Realizing that it’s very possible that the rest of the jury could be attracted to men, Dave suddenly has a hail mary idea to save Markenson.

 

So Dave slips away from the group and finds Markenson’s lawyer, who is packing up his scattered papers into his briefcase. Dave approaches the frazzled lawyer for a sidebar, and because Markenson’s lawyer is desperate for any help he can get, he’s willing to hear out Dave’s plan. So Dave shares what he’s dubbed “the wet t-shirt defense.”

Meanwhile, Leonard shows up at the Davidson House to tell Granny Dave that he’s done a lot of soul searching, and he thinks it’s time they made their relationship exclusive. “Oh, Leonard, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Granny Dave explains. She doesn’t think Leonard (or any one man for that matter) would be able to fully satisfy her in all the ways she needs. Leonard refutes this and promises that he can do it: “I can be your everything, Granny Dave! Please, just give me a chance to prove myself!”

 

Impressed by Leonard’s resolve, Granny Dave figures “eh, what the hell” and suggests a trial: The two will try out a closed relationship for 72 hours, but Leonard has to fulfill Granny Dave’s every sexual desire regardless of when, where, or why. And if Leonard fails to service her at any point during this 72-hour period, then their relationship will remain open forever. Leonard gulps, daunted by the challenge, but agrees, determined.

 

The next day, the sun rises over the Pool House and a very hungover Fin and Theo convene in the TV room. Theo says he’s going to go to CVS to get some Aspirin, but Fin reminds Theo that their drinking game isn’t over – the trial is still going on for another day. So unless Theo wants to pay Fin his fifteen dollars, he’s going to have to drink again. Theo groans, then steels himself before plopping down on the couch beside Fin and pouring himself some vodka.

The next day at court, it’s the defense's turn to plead their case. Before approaching Markenson at the stand, Markenson’s lawyer surreptitiously nods to Dave in the jury box. Dave nods back. It’s time to execute their plan: “So, Mr. Markenson, isn’t it true that you couldn’t have been at the scene of the crime, because you were too busy taking out your garbage that evening–” Markenson’s lawyer says, before ‘accidentally’ spilling his entire mug of water all over Markenson. “Oooops!”

 

With his shirt soaking wet, Markenson’s luscious pecs and pronounced nipples are prominently displayed. Everyone’s jaw drops in the jury box. Eventually a bailiff comes over with a new dress shirt for Markenson – when Markenson stands up to grab the shirt from the bailiff, he reveals that the water has trickled down to outline a massive cock and ball bulge in his tight-fitting dress pants. Markenson rips his button shirt open like Superman and exposes his naked chest. Dave looks around at his peers in the jury, and everyone is sold on Markenson’s hot bod.

However, while Markenson was doing the “wet t-shirt defense”, he was simultaneously responding in detail to his lawyer’s question about how he was taking out his trash on the night of the murder. And while all the other jurors were too busy swooning over Markenson’s wet, bouncing breasts and balls to listen to anything he was actually saying, as a gold-star lesbian, Becky was immune to that, and thus could actually pay attention to his defense. And unfortunately for Markenson, he went into detail about how he just throws all his garbage into the dumpster, therefore admitting to the real crime in Becky’s eyes: not recycling.

 

So, infuriated by Markenson’s blatant disregard for planet Earth, Becky decides to make an example out of Markenson and change her vote to guilty, much to Dave’s chagrin.

Meanwhile, Leonard is doing his best to satisfy Granny Dave – and at first, he’s loving the constant sex. But eventually, it starts to get tiring.

Later that day, Leonard is collapsed in an armchair, when he hears Granny Dave ring her little maid bell from the other room. “Leonaaard!! It’s been fifteen minutes already! I'm ready for round eleven. You said you’d try the gerbil thing, remember?”

 

Leonard calls out from the armchair: “Can you just give me a few more minutes?” Granny Dave shouts back: “Okay! Open relationship it is.” Leonard sighs then slowly stands up and limps towards the boudoir: “I’m coming, I’m coming.”

Meanwhile, back at the courthouse, Dave now has to figure out a way to convince Becky to vote not guilty. He knows there’s no undoing Markenson’s confession about not recycling, so Dave plans to once again utilize the sex appeal angle – he’s just going to have to find a way to miraculously make Markenson sexy to a lesbian. After the second day in court concludes, Dave once again approaches Markenson’s lawyer to share his newest plan, entitled “the butch tactic.”
 

So the next day, following Dave’s advice, Markenson shows up in court decked out in full lesbian decor: a flannel button-down, doc martens, a septum piercing, and a streak of dyed blue hair. Markenson’s lawyer takes the stage: “Mr. Markenson, isn’t it true that you love driving around in your Subaru? And may I remind you, you are under oath.”

 

In response to this nonsense, the judge bellows: “Order! Order in the court! Relevance??” The judge then bangs his gavel a solid fifteen times. CUT TO: Fin and Theo in the Pool House, cringing and moaning in disappointment. They both brace themselves, before pouring one another fifteen shots each.

Back at the courthouse, despite Dave’s efforts to pander to Becky’s sapphic attraction, she is ultimately unimpressed. As such, Becky is still committed to convicting Markenson. And because the rest of her peers maintain Markenson’s innocence, the jurors are ultimately unable to come to a unanimous agreement in the deliberation room.

Thus, with the jury’s inability to come to a verdict, the judge exasperatedly decides that he’s going to have to dismiss Dave and his peers because they’re a hung jury. “Hung jury??” Dave says, “you’ve got a hung defendant!!” But despite Dave’s protests, he and Becky are sent home and a new jury is to be brought in instead to decide Markenson’s fate.

 

Meanwhile, Leonard is looking like he’s aged forty years in three days – he’s dehydrated and almost entirely depleted of electrolytes. Granny Dave calls him into the bedroom for another fuck, and Leonard groans in agony. But checking his timer, he sees that he’s at hour 70 of his 72-hour trial. So mustering what’s left of his energy, Leonard heads towards the bedroom, unrelenting.

So Leonard is fucking Granny Dave’s brains out, until all of a sudden – “I think…” Leonard stammers, “I think my heart stopped beating.”

 

CUT TO the hospital: Granny Dave is jogging beside Leonard, who is being rushed by nurses to the ER. “Did I make it, Granny Dave? Did I pass the trial?” Leonard asks, feebly. Granny Dave looks at her watch: “Ooh, I’m afraid not, honey. It’s only hour 71.” Just then, Granny Dave receives a call from the LA Rugby Club. “And you know…” Granny Dave continues, “I never did actually finish before you had your little heart attack, Lenny.” “But, but…” Leonard whimpers. “I gotta take this,” Granny Dave says, before putting her phone up to her ear – “but I had fun! Maybe we can try again next week?” Granny Dave says before cackling like a witch as Leonard is whisked away through the swinging doors to the ER. “Wait! Granny Dave! Waaait!!!”

 

Meanwhile, Dave sits by the pool watching the televised retrial of Markenson vs The State of California on his laptop, while Fin and Theo puke in the pool in the background. Dave watches in horror as the new jury almost instantly reaches agreement and sentences Markenson to life in prison.


The episode ends with Dave visiting Markenson in prison – the two separated by the visitation window and talking to each other through the little prison telephones. “I’ve got a plan to bust you out of here,” Dave says, before gesturing at a lady guard. “Three words: wet prison jumpsuit.”

Yiffing

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Dave, Granny Dave, Fin, and Becky are all sitting on the patio – far from Theo – as they watch him eat a sizeable chunk of Limburger cheese like it’s an apple. Fin complains: “Do you have to eat that stinky-ass cheese, Theo? It’s rank.” “Oh, my doctor said I needed to get more Vitamin B,” Theo explains. Fin then promptly walks over and smacks the cheese out of Theo’s hand and into the pool. Theo sadly watches his cheese sink.

Tired of getting bullied by his friends, Theo heads to Hole for a drink to drown his sorrows. He confides in Dani Grave: “Ugh, I just wish I had someone who appreciated me, you know? Someone who cares for me. Someone I can have a special bond with.” When all of a sudden, the front door of the bar opens up and in walks Aurora, a full-blown Furry in the cutest little pink fursuit you’ve ever seen. Theo’s eyes widen, and with a swell of romantic music, we zoom in on the unblinking, vacant gaze sewn on Aurora’s furry mask. Instantly smitten, Theo offers the lady Furry a seat beside him – and the two immediately hit it off over drinks.

 

Cue romantic montage: Theo and Aurora frolic in the park, as we widen to reveal the two Furries are actually chasing a ball. Next, Theo and Aurora are at a fancy Italian restaurant, as they recreate the iconic spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp. And finally, Theo takes Aurora on a Furry-specific shopping spree – they hit up American Beagle, Ruff Lauren, and Abercrombie & Bitch, as Aurora tries on a million different fursuits. And like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman, Theo expresses his love for Aurora by buying her all the expensive fursuits she desires.

The montage concludes with Theo and Aurora back at the house, hanging out by the pool, as they lovingly Eskimo kiss with their big cartoon noses. From the other side of the patio, Dave, Granny Dave, Fin, and Becky watch. Dave is fascinated by the speed at which Theo’s relationship with Aurora had rapidly developed. So Dave theories that “maybe that’s just how Furries do things, you know? Kinda like lesbians.” Thus, Dave posits that maybe if he was a Furry, it could fast-track him towards being loved by someone.

 

However, while Dave is fascinated by Theo’s love affair, Fin is threatened by it. He watches Theo cuddle Aurora with disgust, and bemoans to Becky that “Theo’s stupid new girlfriend better not mess with our plans. Me and Theo were supposed to hang out tonight and watch Cash Cab – I hope he doesn't think his girlfriend is more important than that.”

 

Fixating on the Furry idea, Dave heads over to Madeline’s House to see if she can set him up with a Furry. However, unfortunately for Dave, Madeline doesn’t have any on her roster. However Madeline’s husband Ricky, chimes in: “If I were looking to chat with like-minded singles with DL fetishes, I would use an online chatroom. I mean, I wouldn’t, because I’m happily married – but that’s just what I would do. You know, if I were you, is all I’m saying.”

Meanwhile, Fin is infuriated when he’s indeed left to watch Cash Cab alone that evening. It seems that Theo indeed forgot about their plans.

 

Meanwhile, inspired by Ricky’s advice, Dave joins CaliFurry.net where he starts anonymously chatting with StarWolf69, the most popular profile on the forum. To Dave’s satisfaction, he’s finding that Furry culture is indeed very intense and quick to commitment – and after being showered with love and adoration by StarWolf69, Dave is smitten.

 

But before Dave can meet his new e-mate in person, he has to get himself a fursuit. So Dave goes to American Beagle but is shocked to find that a single fursuit can run Dave upwards of $3,000.

 

Realizing he can’t afford even an entry-level fursuit, Dave returns home to ask Granny Dave if she’d be willing to knit him a fursuit, to which Granny Dave agrees. A couple hours later, she presents Dave with a very haphazardly crocheted fursuit. Theo points out that the homemade fursuit looks more like something out of a horror movie, but Dave says, “eh, it’ll do in a pinch.”

With a fursuit now in tow, Dave can ask out StarWolf69 – so the two make plans for Dave to go over to her house the following night.

Meanwhile, in an effort to replace Theo, Fin puts out a “casting call” mass text to his network of acting friends. In the “casting call,” Fin requests that actors show up in animal costumes to run a lengthy scene with him for the role of “Leo”. This "audition" mostly consists of sitting on the couch watching Cash Cab with Fin, however.

 

The next day, a struggling actor in an old Garfield Halloween costume knocks on the Pool House door. “Uhh… Hi. I’m James, I’m here to audition for the part of Leo?” Fin gestures for James to come in and watch TV with him. There’s a long silence, before James asks: “Umm… Why are we just watching Cash Cab?” Fin scoffs and tries to get James to shut up and play his part: “Shh! We’re rehearsing.”

The next day, Granny Dave hears a knock. She answers the front door to see several queer-presenting youths with their hat in hand asking for help. Apparently, word got out that Granny Dave is making fursuits for cheap – it seems as though the high price of a fursuit is what’s been bottlenecking many closeted Furries from entering the community. And who is Granny Dave to refuse these troubled queers access to their fetish? So with a sigh, Granny Dave says, “I’ll get my yarn.”

Meanwhile, Theo decides to surprise Aurora at her house with a bouquet of flowers. Theo wanders in and announces to the empty house: “Hello? Surprise! It’s me! Your boyfriend!” However, Theo turns to see his own surprise: the shadowy silhouette of a curvaceous Furry figure. It seems like Aurora has been sensually waiting for Theo, in her sluttiest fursuit. “Oh, sweet Jiminy,” Theo drools. Unable to control himself, Theo drops the roses and immediately embraces his Furry attraction.

 

So the two fuck, while barking and howling like mad.

 

Meanwhile, Granny Dave is sewing fursuits late into the night. She is exhausted, having turned herself into a sweatshop worker. With her fingers worn to the bone, she can’t go on any longer, so she collapses to sleep beside her sewing machine. While the machine ticks away, Granny Dave hallucinates a vision:

She sees a perfect idyllic utopian world full of Furries fucking – until suddenly everyone’s fursuits painfully melt off their bodies and the colorful world they inhabit quickly descends into a sepiatone hell. The shaved Furries continue to fuck, but now sadly. They lament in horrific unison: “Where’s our fur, Granny Dave?” “I’m cold, Granny Dave.” “Help us, Granny Dave. You’re our only hope!” Granny Dave winces in her sleep, as she sees miserable, naked, hairless body after body – until she wakes up in a cold sweat and immediately gets back to work, haunted by her nightmare.

 

Meanwhile, back at Aurora’s house, Theo and his Furry friend finish fucking. While catching their breath, Aurora says in a completely different voice than her usual tone: “That was amazing.” Theo is confused: “Aurora? Why do you sound like that?” The woman Furry balks: “Aurora?? I’m StarWolf69! Wait, you’re not Dave?”

 

It seems that coincidentally (but also logically as the Furry community of LA is rather small) StarWolf69 is in fact Aurora’s roommate. And due to everyone’s identities being concealed by fursuits, it seems that Theo mistook StarWolf69 for Aurora, and StarWolf69 mistook Theo for Dave.

 

Theo is horrified by his accidental infidelity and is terrified by the thought of Aurora finding out about his fur-paux. Theo is certain that Aurora will never want to see him again if she finds out that Theo fucked her roommate, so Theo pleads for StarWolf69 not to tell Aurora. StarWolf69 agrees to keep the secret from her roommate, but says she has to tell her soulmate, Dave.

 

Theo begs for StarWolf69 to please reconsider, as Theo fears that if Dave finds out Theo fucked Dave’s new girlfriend, Dave will vindictively tell Aurora anyways just to ruin Theo’s relationship, too. “Please! I love my friends, they’re great, but you don’t know how mean they are!” Theo cries.

 

But StarWolf69 isn’t budging: “Sorry, Theo, my mind is made up.” StarWolf69 suddenly shudders, the reality of the situation dawning on her: “Ugh, I can’t believe I just slept with a total stranger. I just feel so dirty, I need to take a shower.” So StarWolf69 desperately undresses out of her fursuit and heads into the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Fin invites James back to the Pool House for a “callback.” Fin presents James with a script that involves Fin bullying the Leo character. But James just responds that he doesn’t think the Leo character would just take the abuse. Fin tells James that sticking up for himself is out of character for the Leo character, and that James should just shut up and play his part. To that, James responds: “Alright, screw this, I’m out of here. My girlfriend doesn’t want me wasting any more time around you anyways. She thinks this is a fake movie.”

As James just walks away, Fin yells at him: “Get back here, Leo! Leaving me because of some stupid girlfriend is completely out of character!” Fin starts weeping and screaming towards the sky: “IT’S COMPLETELY OUT OF CHARACTER, LEO!”

 

Meanwhile, Theo sits on the bed in defeat, his face in his paws, until suddenly something catches his eye – Theo looks out the window to see the unmistakable sight of the world’s worst fursuit walking up the driveway – it’s Dave, donned in his crocheted outfit, seemingly here to meet StarWolf69! Theo panics, until suddenly he glances at StarWolf69’s limp fursuit strewn across the bedroom floor – Theo gets an idea.

 

So Dave rings the doorbell and waits, until the door swings open – it’s Theo wearing StarWolf69’s fursuit. Imitating a woman’s voice, Theo says: “Hello, Dave! It’s me, StarWolf69! Yep, it’s really me!” Dave goes in for a hug, but Theo stops him: “No, Dave. Listen, I need to break up with you. In fact, I need you to leave here and never come back.”

 

Heartbroken, Dave responds: “What?? I thought we really had something special, Star.” Theo stammers, finding it very difficult to hurt poor Dave: “Yes, but I have to do this, Dave. Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be!” “But… I don’t understand! What changed? Could we just go for a walk or something and talk about this??” Unable to say no, Theo says “oh, okay.”

So the two go for a walk around the neighborhood. Theo, the kind soul he is, is doing his best to break up with Dave in a way that spares Dave’s feelings. However, much to Theo’s dismay, Dave starts baring his soul, preventing Theo from breaking it off. Things complicate even more when Dave vulnerably confides: “Listen, I just really appreciate you. And I care for you. I thought we had a really special bond.”

 

Theo can’t help but swoon when hearing this. And in his fake StarWolf69 voice, Theo says, “oh, Dave! …Tell me more.” Thus, the conversation shifts from breakup to romance, as the two start opening up about how much they have in common, how much their visions of the future align, and how they both want to one day get married and maybe even have children.

At this point, Theo is head over heels, and the moment becomes sexually charged. Dave slowly faces Theo and says, “StarWolf69… Can I kiss you?” Theo can’t help but say yes, so the two intimately embrace and press their Furry masks passionately against each other.

There’s a long, tranquil moment of love, until Dave sniffs the breath coming from the mask planted against his: “What is that? Do I smell cheese?” Having completely forgotten about his ruse in the heat of the moment, Theo responds in his normal voice: “It’s Limburger! My favorite!” There’s a long awkward silence, before Dave asks: “...Theo?”

CUT TO: Theo is being dragged on the driveway, holding onto Dave’s leg, begging and pleading. But Dave screams: “Hey! Aurora! Your boyfriend is a creepy, lying scumbag who fucked my girlfriend, your roommate!” “IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I love you, snugglebug!” Theo weeps, while crawling towards Aurora for forgiveness. But Aurora is so enraged that she immediately starts kicking Theo in the ribs, while snarling her teeth and barking ferociously.

 

Several weeks later, a heartbroken Theo is once again trying to get back out there. So he attends FurCon 2024, but much to Theo’s horror, all the eligible Furries there are decked out in Granny Dave’s hideous crocheted fursuits.

The Painting

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The episode begins with Dave at Dr. Bearenstein’ office. While drawing Dave’s blood, Dr. Bearenstein talks about how there’s an art conference being held in one of the empty office spaces in the multi-tenant office-building that Dr. Bearenstein’s clinic inhabits. Dr. Bearenstein goes on to lament that he’s always wanted to fill his office with art, but nothing has ever felt right to buy.

 

While heading out of Dr. Bearenstein’s office, Dave has a meet-cute with Juliette – a French artist in a little red beret – in the elevator of the office complex. Dave asks her if she’s heading to the art conference – to which Juliette responds that she is. Dave asks her what floor, so that he can push the button for her – but Juliette is a little confused because she always forgets that Americans have different floor numbers from Europeans, due to Americans not having a “floor 0.” After the two have a brief laugh about cultural differences, Dave decides to ask Juliette out on a date. Juliette agrees and suggests that Dave come to her art show tomorrow night, before exiting the elevator and blowing Dave a kiss goodbye.

 

Meanwhile, back at the Davidson House, Granny Dave and Leonard are going over some bills – and the bills reveal that although Granny Dave has chipped away at the mounting debt, she is once again tasked with scrounging up a few grand before the week is through.

 

Later that evening, Dave, Granny Dave, Fin, Becky, and Theo all hang out around the Patio. Dave regales the gang that he’s excited for his date with Juliette, the artist he met. But Fin and Becky simply scoff, believing Dave to be far too lowbrow to ever connect with an artist on a romantic or intellectual level. After the three argue for a bit, Dave just storms off to go watch some Bob Ross videos to prepare for his date tomorrow night.

That night, Fin and Becky feed into each other’s superiority complexes. Fin points out the ways that they’re more artistic than anybody else in the house: “I’m an actor, you wear a tie-dye shirt, if anybody knows art it’s us.” So, feeling surrounded by philistines, Fin and Becky decide to prove their eminence by buying an incredible painting to hang in the Pool House to flex their more sophisticated tastes.

 

So the next day, Fin and Becky show up to a commercial art gallery on Rodeo Drive. There, they’re met with a smarmy art dealer who immediately picks up on Fin and Becky’s collective lack of art knowledge and abundance of narcissism. So the art dealer decides to take this opportunity to offload his least popular painting by appealing to Fin and Becky’s peremptoriness: “And this very special painting here I’ve been waiting to sell to only the most cultured and cosmopolitan customer… Do you think you two are sophisticated enough to take home this high-class masterpiece?” He presents Fin and Becky with a painting depicting Satan jerking off. Fin and Becky very noticeably hate the painting, but not wanting to look stupid in front of the fancy art dealer, the two grit their teeth and buy the painting anyways.

 

Fin and Becky carry the painting across the Patio – past Granny Dave and Theo – and towards the Pool House. Theo balks at the painting: “Guys, we’re not really hanging that up, are we?” Fin and Becky look at each other like “get a load of this guy,” then call Theo an “uncultured idiot” in unison.

Granny Dave watches as Fin and Becky bring the painting of the masturbating Satan into their home – and impressed by how easily art-idiots can be manipulated out of their money, Granny Dave decides to manipulate some art-idiots herself to help raise the funds needed to pay off her property tax.

The next day, Dave heads to Juliette’s art opening. Juliette tells Dave that she’s thrilled he came, and she goes on to explain that she hated how her last boyfriend was “not into her art at all.” Seeing an opportunity to make himself look superior to Juliette’s ex, Dave decides to contrast himself as the artsy type, promising that he’ll appreciate Juliette’s work. Thrilled to hear this, Juliette wants to hear Dave’s thoughts on a painting she just sold.

So Juliette leads Dave over to her painting: It’s a thick, messy splotch of red spilled across a white canvas. Unfamiliar with abstract art, Dave immediately thinks that he may actually be looking at a woman’s period – perhaps even Juliette’s. He’s hesitant to outright say it, however, as if the painting is not made from period blood, Juliette is probably going to be fairly offended.

 

In any case, Dave seeks to corroborate his theory by asking for more information about Juliette’s process, and his hunch is furthered by a series of unintentional double-entendres: Juliette earnestly explains that this painting just “came out” of her after she got into this “flow” at the “end of last month,” and that she really “poured her blood, sweat and tears” into it. “I’m not sure if I can see the sweat and tears. But I guess they’re somewhere in the mix,” Dave responds in earnest.

 

After sharing the painting’s origin story, Juliette is excited to hear Dave’s thoughts – but Juliette gets distracted when she sees the painting’s buyer from across the art gallery. Juliette says to Dave before leaving: “That’s Mr. Fi, the très réussi lawyer who bought the piece. I should go say hello, but I can’t wait to hear what you think about my work when I get back!”

With a brief moment alone, Dave immediately calls up Granny Dave to ask for advice: “I really think this painting is made from her period, Granny Dave! And I need you to give me some cool shit to say about it to impress Juliette!” Granny Dave just rolls her eyes: “Dave, it’s probably just red paint.” But Dave insists that Granny Dave check out a pic to see for herself, so Dave snaps a photo with his phone and texts it to her.

While waiting for the pic, Granny Dave has some time to stare at her property tax bills – so she thinks for a moment, before formulating a complex master plan involving Dave and this painting. And when the text finally comes through, Granny Dave puts the first step of her plan into motion by feigning surprise: “Oh, wait a minute, Dave! You’re totally right! That is a framed woman’s period!” Dave responds: “So what do I tell her?? How do I talk about that intelligently???”

 

Granny Dave tells Dave exactly what to do: “Don’t worry, honey. All you have to do is tell her it’s beautiful.” “Is that the reaction someone who framed their period is looking for??” Dave honestly wonders. “Yes. It’s avant-garde.” “In English?” “That’s French for advanced guard.” “And what does advanced guard mean?” Granny Dave just pinches the bridge of her nose: “Look, it doesn’t matter, will you please just follow your instructions and execute my plan?” Dave finds that last bit odd, so Granny Dave corrects herself: “My plan being to get you dating Juliette, of course.”

 

So Dave hangs up, and when Juliette returns, he indeed tells Juliette how much he loves her art. “I love your period painting, because it reminds me of the avant-garde’s big old period,” Dave says, having misunderstood the advanced guard translation as some kind of literal female soldier from French history. Luckily for Dave, English is Juliette’s second language, so she’s willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and piece together something that makes sense from Dave’s gibberish. She takes what she thought Dave said as a compliment: “Yes, I suppose you could call my painting a period piece. After all, I suppose it does harken back to the period of 20th century avant-garde.” She hugs Dave before adding: “You know, I’m just so impressed that you’re getting onto my artistic level. You’re starting to win me over, Dave.”

 

Meanwhile Fin and Becky are dealing with their horrible painting of Satan rubbing one out. In fact, the painting is somehow visible from every angle in the Pool House: While trying to sleep, they see Satan watching from around the corner of the doorway; while trying to shower, they see a horny Satan in the bathroom mirror; and while watching TV, they see Satan hunched over in the screen’s reflection. But because of their pride and ego, they still commit to liking it. Becky exclaims: “Did I just see you recoil at the sight of our painting??” Fin retorts: “No! …Why? Did you recoil at the sight of our painting?” “Never! You don’t appreciate the beauty of this painting nearly as much as I do!”

Meanwhile, Granny Dave walks down the street in Beverly Hills dressed in a prim yellow pantsuit, when she walks by the law office of Max Fi, Esquire – and visible from the street, displayed in his lobby, is Juliette’s red splotch painting. Pretending to be a German art connoisseur who “just so happened to be walking by” when she saw the red painting, Granny Dave introduces herself and applauds Mr. Fi for his bravery and feminism in “so prominently displaying a woman’s period in the lobby of his place of business.” A few confused customers turn to glare at Mr. Fi when Granny Dave says this, so Mr. Fi takes her aside.

 

“Woman’s period? What are you talking about??” Mr. Fi demands. Granny Dave simply explains that the painting he just bought is outsider art and is undoubtedly made from a woman’s period. Granny Dave says in her thick, fake German accent: “You didn’t know zat? I thought you knew zat, Mr. Fi.” Flustered by the idea of having hung a period up in his professional law office, Mr. Fi starts to panic. However, “luckily” for Mr. Fi, Granny Dave offers to buy it from him, “for a fraction of the original price, of course,” to which Mr. Fi reluctantly agrees, willing to see any return on investment while offloading the painting that he’s been misled to believe is unprofessional for a lobby.

 

So Granny Dave brings the painting over to Leonard’s apartment to hide it there before she’s ready to sell it again. Granny Dave explains to Leonard that she’s manipulating the art market: “I bought the painting for low, and I’m gonna sell it for high." Granny Dave goes on to explain that Dave is the key to her market manipulation – in fact, she insists that by the time she gets home, poor, predictable Dave is already going to be enacting phase two of her plan.

And indeed when Granny Dave comes home, she opens the front door to see Dave shitting on a small blank canvas in the middle of the floor – Granny Dave foresaw that Dave would do some sort of bodily fluid painting to suck up to Juliette, but nothing could have prepared her for this image. While squeezing out a turd, Dave explains, “Juliette said I was ‘getting onto her artistic level.’ That implies I’m not on it yet. That’s why I’m shitting on this canvas – she perioded on a painting? I’m gonna shit on a painting. Our connection will be undeniable.”

 

So Dave grabs some newspaper and wraps up his little “present” for Juliette, then heads over to her flat. Upon arriving, Dave hands Juliette his gift, but Juliette just sets it on the kitchen table before insisting that she’ll open it later, and that she and Dave must head out, as they’re going to be late for their dinner reservation.

 

So Dave and Juliette go to the restaurant. As they flirt over dinner and drinks, Dave says he can’t wait for Juliette to open up her present when they get home. “I made it myself,” Dave teases. Juliette shares Dave’s excitement, but while reaching for some of the finger-food appetizers they ordered, Juliette notices and complains about all the red paint caked under her fingernails. Dave questions why Juliette would have red paint under her fingernails, but Juliette explains that it’s obviously due to her work as a painter. Confused, Dave asks: “Wait, you paint your paintings with paint?” “Dave, are you having a stroke?” Dave realizes he may have just made a gigantic mistake, so in distress, he excuses himself to the bathroom to collect his thoughts and figure out some damage control.

In a bathroom stall, Dave desperately dials up Theo. “Theo! I need your help! I need you to steal this painting back!” Theo is eventually persuaded to help: “Okay, okay. I’ll steal your painting. What’s the address?” Dave fumbles around for Juliette’s address. "She lives on a duplex at, uh… 506 Cherry Street! There's a key under the mat!” Theo asks which apartment, and Dave wracks his brain: “Oh god, which apartment. Uhh… Juliette said she lives on… the ‘first floor flat!’”

However, Dave doesn’t realize that when parroting Juliette, he had accidentally given Theo the European translation of what flat Juliette lives on. So Theo indeed follows Dave’s instructions, but when he arrives at Juliette’s building and checks under the mat of the ground-floor apartment (“the first floor flat”), Theo finds no key. Theo sighs.

 

Meanwhile, Dave returns to the dinner table to see a waiter clearing the plates from his and Juliette’s table. Juliette explains that she paid the bill and that they should head back home, as she can’t wait to open Dave’s present! Dave panics and in an attempt to stall Juliette, he suggests they have desert. But Juliette says she’s completely full. So she starts calling them an Uber. Dave starts to sweat, trying to think of other ways to stall to give Theo enough time to swipe Dave’s "present."

Meanwhile, we CUT TO: A family of four peacefully eating dinner before the window is SMASHED open and a man dressed as a gigantic dog clumsily falls face first into their living room. Theo trips over the coffee table, breaks a vase, and scatters glass everywhere, as he makes his way towards a painting on the wall. The family of four watches in terror, huddled in fear of the fursuit-clad burglar – however due to Theo’s fursuit inhibiting his field of vision, Theo never even notices the family as he stumbles around and grabs a large painting off the wall before jumping right back out the window from which he came.

Meanwhile, Dave and Juliette are Ubering home. But Dave is on edge. In an effort to stall the Uber, Dave keeps intentionally demanding the driver take wrong turns as “shortcuts.” Juliette is getting frustrated, so she asks Dave “what the hell’s wrong with him.” Just then, Dave gets a text from Theo saying “it’s done!” followed by a burglar emoji and the smiling poop emoji. So, under the impression that he no longer has to worry about Juliette coming home to unwrap his shit, Dave sighs in relief and responds to Juliette: “Nothing’s wrong! Not anymore, babe!” Dave then pats the Uber driver on the back: “You can take the freeway now, my friend.”

 

Later that night, Dave and Juliette return to her apartment, making out with each other. In the heat of rushing to the bedroom, Dave doesn’t even check to make sure that his poop painting was indeed stolen by Theo. While undressing, Juliette notices she’s still holding the doggy bag from the restaurant, so she tells Dave she’ll go put it in the fridge. She exits the bedroom and from the other room she tells Dave that she’ll also open his present. This barely registers to the horny Dave, who is contentedly waiting for sex in her bedroom – “sure, whatever, babe.” There’s a beat before the reality of what Dave just heard sinks in, and his eyes bulge.

Dave rushes into the kitchen to see Juliette staring in shock at Dave’s painting. “Dave… Is this… Is this your shit?” Dave attempts to explain that he liked Juliette’s painting when he thought it was her period, and that he thought she’d like his poop painting. But Juliette can’t hold back her disgust, so she pukes on the floor – yet somehow, her projectile vomit miraculously lands in the middle of a blank canvas strewn about the floor of this messy artist’s studio. Dave and Juliette both stare at the puke-covered canvas, before Dave breaks the silence: “I even love your puke painting!" Seething, Juliette tells Dave to get the fuck out of her apartment.

That evening, Dave comes rushing home crying, brokenhearted after Juliette broke up with him. Dave tells Granny Dave what happened, revealing that Juliette even said the debacle was so traumatizing that she’s quitting art altogether. Granny Dave pumps her fist victoriously: “I knew it!” She then catches herself, clears her throat and says, “I mean, I knew she wasn’t good enough for you, Davy.”

Granny Dave kisses her grandson’s forehead and then heads into the other room and dials her phone. “Hey is this Vivienne Valdez, from ‘Art Watch’ on KTLA? Perfect. Do I have the art scoop for you.”

Later that week, Granny Dave is watching KTLA’s ‘Art Watch’ segment, on which Vivienne Valdez reports a breaking story: “Up-and-coming artist Juliette Dubois is quitting art altogether to go spend the rest of her life at a nunnery in her hometown of Carcassonne in the South of France. When asked for a statement as to why, the ex-artist said she wants to be – and I quote – ‘far, far away from the horrible men of Los Angeles.’” Vivienne goes on to announce that with the promising young artist's career coming to an abrupt end, it seems that her paintings are skyrocketing in price. Upon hearing this, Granny Dave smiles evilly while forming a finger pyramid: “Excellent.”

In the Pool House, Fin and Becky are also watching KTLA’s ‘Art Watch’: “In other art-related news, local artist Tina Hicks – known for her series of paintings depicting religious figures masturbating – has been dealt a huge fine today in retaliation for misleading advertising after failing to disclose to her customers that her paintings are in fact made out of blood from her own period.” Fin and Becky’s heads swivel around in shock – the two stare at the giant red satan behind them. There’s a long pause before Fin breaks the silence: “OK, THAT’S IT!”

Fin dramatically yanks the Satan painting from the wall and brings it outside before ripping it up into fourths so he can squeeze it into the trash bin.

 

Fin heads back into the Pool House and laments to Becky that he just couldn’t take it anymore. He admits he hated the painting all along, and the whole period element just pushed him over the edge. Becky admits that she hated the painting too, so Fin painfully concedes, “I guess this means we’re not as sophisticated as we thought, huh…” So with their egos bruised, Fin and Becky just sulk – until Becky has a realization: “Wait a minute! No! All along, we were too good for a $4,000 painting! We’re so sophisticated that not even the best painting at that fancy shmancy art gallery was good enough for us!” “Yeah… You’re right!” And so, the two narcissists feed into each other once more, and perform some mental-gymnastics to nurse their damaged egos back to full health.

Meanwhile, on the TV in the background, Vivienne Valdez hands the news back to the anchorman. The anchorman announces: “In other news, the police are still on the lookout for what they’re calling the Jack Russel Terror.” KTLA flashes a police sketch of Theo’s fursuit, and the anchorman continues: “The LA County Police encourage anybody who sees a humanoid dog matching this description to attack on sight.”

The next day, Granny Dave holds an auction for Juliette’s painting. However, among the sea of bidders, the highest bid goes to… Dr. Bearenstein! “I can’t quite put my finger on why, but as a sexual health doctor, this painting speaks to me.”

 

The episode ends with Dr. Bearenstein hanging the painting up in his waiting room, where it will remain for the rest of the series.

The Release

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The episode begins with Dave, Fin, and Theo all deciding to tag along with Becky to head to Santa Monica Pier. Becky is going to a lesbian volleyball meetup at the beach, while Dave, Fin and Theo just plan to hang out at the arcade.

While playing volleyball with her friends, Becky starts to sweat. So she decides to take her shirt off. Her lesbian friends cheer her on for freeing the nipple, but unfortunately for Becky, some cops come over and arrest her for public indecency.

While Becky is getting arrested on the beach, Dave accidentally bumps into a woman at the pier. Dave picks up the monocle that this woman dropped, and returns it to Augustina von Kleist, who happens to be the Duchess of Austria. While Augustina doesn’t understand anything Dave says due to her lack of English, she’s charmed by Dave’s kindness. Moments later, Augustina’s interpreter named Steve comes over to explain that the Duchess is on holiday in Los Angeles. Just then, Augustina says something in German to Steve, and Steve translates to Dave: “The Duchess says: You are invited to the Chateau Marmont this evening for a romantic rendezvous.” Swept away by the odd circumstances, Dave agrees to come.

Meanwhile, Becky is taken down to the police station. She uses her one phone call to call Granny Dave to come bail her out. Protective of her found family of queers in her Shack, Granny Dave’s matriarchal instincts kick in and she determinedly heads over to the station.

 

At the station, Granny Dave meets with Police Chief Carson. Granny Dave offers to bail Becky out, but Chief Carson explains: “Listen dollface, I’m afraid Becky is a repeat offender, bail isn’t on the table.” Granny Dave objects that there must be another way, but Chief Carson explains that his hands are tied, with a wink at Granny Dave.

Granny Dave storms out of the police station, frustrated by her inability to help Becky. Outside, she sees Becky’s lesbian friends at the stoop protesting Becky’s arrest. As they chant “fuck the police,” Granny Dave realizes that’s not such a bad idea.

So Granny Dave fixes her hair, applies some lipstick, then heads back into the station. Having picked up on some flirtations from Chief Carson, Granny Dave plans to literally “fuck the police” in order to free Becky. So Granny Dave seduces Chief Carson, and the two agree to get dinner that evening.

Meanwhile, Dave is on his date with Duchess Augustina poolside at the Chateau Marmont. However, Dave is quickly starting to get bored – the Duchess isn’t the most attractive woman in the world and her conversation topics mostly amount to geopolitical talking points that largely escape Dave. Thus, Dave is thinking about leaving soon, until Steve announces that the Duchess says everybody should go swimming.

So Augustina and Steve begin undressing to their bathing suits – and when Steve takes off his interpreter uniform, revealing a gorgeous buff body and a rainbow tattoo, Dave is enticed to stay. While the Duchess continues to try to flirt with Dave, Dave instead just starts flirting with Steve, right in front of the Duchess. Steve gasps at Dave’s advances and whispers: “DAVE!? What are you doing???” Dave explains: “Relax, she can’t understand me.”

So while the three swim in the pool, Dave chats Steve up. Slowly but surely, Dave’s advances seem to be winning Steve’s heart, until Steve suddenly comes to his senses and pushes Dave away. When the Duchess asks Steve to explain her stance on Bavarian independence to Dave, Steve takes the opportunity to instead monologue to Dave about how he admits to their mutual attraction, but that he refuses to mix his personal and professional lives – and above all, Steve maintains that he could never betray the Duchess. Not one to give up, Dave just says, “we’ll just see about that. I’ll win you over one way or another, Steve, my man.”

 

The Duchess eagerly asks in German: “And what does Dave think about the Bavarian state??” “Mr. Davidson’s stance is that a unified Germany is a prosperous Germany,” Steve responds in German, while sweating nervously.

 

Meanwhile, Granny Dave is having her own date with Chief Carson. Granny Dave is putting on the moves, and Chief Carson is infatuated. After dinner, they head out back behind the restaurant, where Granny Dave starts feeling him up. Things are getting really frisky – Chief Carson is talking about all the stuff he can’t wait to do to Granny Dave, so in a sexual tone Granny Dave responds: “And something else you’ll do – you’ll release Becky, right?” Between kisses, Chief Carson responds: “You know I can’t do that, Miriam.” To this, Granny Dave then abruptly pulls away and dusts herself off. “Oh, okay. Well, I should get going, then. It was a nice date,” Granny Dave says before leaving.

Meanwhile, Becky is sitting around in her jail cell when a police officer brings another girl in to bunk with Becky. This gruff, heavily-tattooed woman is huge and imposing – so Becky is immediately scared and intimidated. Fearing for her safety, Becky grumbles to herself: “Come on already, Granny Dave.”

Meanwhile, Granny Dave is once again finishing another date with Chief Carson. The two head into Chief Carson’s apartment and start having sex. Granny Dave is riding him slowly, teasing him. And just as Chief Carson is getting close, Granny Dave asks: “And you’re gonna release Becky too, right?” Chief Carson responds: “You know I can’t do that Miriam.” So Granny Dave immediately gets off of Chief Carson and says, “oh! That’s right, I actually have an early day tomorrow, I should get some sleep." She turns the light off, puts on her sleeping mask, then immediately goes silent. Chief Carson just disappointedly stares at his throbbing, erect penis.

So this continues – Granny Dave edges Chief Carson again and again, but refuses to ever let him “finish,” constantly blue balling the old man. Chief Carson is getting extremely sexually frustrated, but Granny Dave gives him an ultimatum one night while toying with his penis: She tells him the only way that he’s getting release is if Becky Fullilove gets release too. So, desperate for sexual release, Chief Carson promises to let Becky out of jail first thing in the morning, before at long last EXPLODING inside of Granny Dave.

 

Meanwhile, back at the jail, Becky is finding that her fear was misplaced – rather, Becky learns that sharing a cell with her butch inmate is actually an extremely erotic experience. Just as the two are about to engage in some Orange Is The New Black-style prison-sex, a guard comes over to let Becky out, saying she’s been released. Unsure how to feel about that, Becky waves a longing goodbye to her butch bunkmate before exiting the cell.

Granny Dave welcomes Becky home. Shortly after, Chief Carson calls up Granny Dave and tells her that he has dinner reservations for them tonight at Angelini’s Osteria. Granny Dave explains that while she had fun, she’s not sure she sees a future with him. But Chief Carson pleads for Granny Dave to continue seeing him, as he believes sex with Granny Dave was the best release of his life. But Granny Dave refuses and hangs up on him.

However, the next day, Granny Dave is watching a breaking news story on TV – the reporter explains: “In a confounding turn of events, there’s been several seemingly connected incidents of nearly a dozen lesbians from around West Hollywood getting rounded up and arrested by police officers completely randomly. When KTLA reached out to the LA County Police Department for comment, they simply issued a confusing at best press statement that merely read, ‘Angelini’s at 10 PM, my love’.”

 

Infuriated by the arrest of all these innocent lesbians, Granny Dave has no choice but to show up to Angelini’s. And after dinner, she sleeps with Chief Carson once more, giving him the best release of his life in exchange for the release of the twelve lesbians.

 

But while the twelve lesbians do indeed get released, Granny Dave wakes up the next day to hear on the news that another couple dozen lesbians have now been rounded up and imprisoned. As such, Granny Dave finds herself stuck in a cycle wherein she has to keep dating the Police Chief in order to free these innocent civilians, but Chief Carson’s sexual release is so satisfying that he just keeps locking up more lesbians in order to keep Granny Dave coming back.

Meanwhile, Becky watches the news while mindlessly swiping Tinder. Becky finds all the girls on Tinder to be ho hum in comparison to the kinky experience she almost had with her butch inmate. Furthermore, Becky watches as the news show sexy headshot after sexy headshot of all the lesbians getting locked away by Chief Carson. The news goes on to explain that the police department is having trouble stopping the constant, hot lesbian sex within the cells. Feeling left out, Becky fumes with envy.

 

Eventually, Granny Dave has had enough. In order to break the cycle, she tells Chief Carson that she’s willing to do his absolute wildest sexual fantasy as one big finale to their sexcapades. But in return, Chief Carson’s reign of terror must end – he must retire from his job as police chief. Enticed by the idea of his wildest fantasy being possible, Chief Carson agrees.

 

Apparently Chief Carson’s wildest kink is to have sex on a rollercoaster, so he and Granny Dave head to Santa Monica Pier to ride the West Coaster. Chief Carson bribes the teenage ride operator to let him and Granny Dave ride the coaster alone, to which the pimply ride operator agrees. So Granny Dave and Chief Carson hop on the coaster and fuck – and Chief Carson is having the time of his life! They reach the end of the ride and quickly redress themselves, as the ride operator asks: “Wanna go again?” “HELL YEAH!” Chief Carson says, ready for round two.

 

However, when Chief Carson and Granny Dave arrive at the start of the coaster the next time, they’re met with a couple of disillusioned police officers. These officers show Granny Dave and Chief Carson one of those souvenir snapshots that was taken of their last ride around the West Coaster. In the souvenir roller coaster photo are Chief Carson and Granny Dave’s naked bodies prominently displayed. Sensing their imminent arrest, Granny Dave runs away, leaving Chief Carson to get arrested alone.

Meanwhile, sick of feeling left out, Becky decides that she wants to go back to prison, so she plans on getting arrested once more. So Becky once again heads to the very public Santa Monica Beach, where she fully undresses to expose her illegal nudity. She stands patiently, her arms out in a sacrificial crucifixion pose, waiting to be tackled by the Santa Monica police officers that are sprinting towards her.

Meanwhile, Dave is at a fancy restaurant on a date with the Duchess and Steve. When the Duchess starts to engage in footsie under the table with Dave, Dave gets an idea: Dave can seduce Steve by proxy – to do this, Dave will pitch woo to Augustina, but his words will be meant for Steve.

 

So Dave stares intimately into Steve’s eyes and says, “Steve, tell the Duchess that she’s got the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.” Steve swoons a little before translating it to the Duchess, who then also swoons.

This flirtation scheme continues, getting filthier and filthier, while everyone at the table gets hornier and hornier. However, Dave gets carried away while flirting with “Augustina,” and the non-gender-specific dirty talk quickly turns very gay: “Tell the Duchess I want to wrap my asshole around her thick, warm cock!” Dave screams while grinding on his chair. Steve accidentally translates this to Augustina in the heat of the moment, which naturally leaves the Duchess furious, having pieced together that Steve was flirting with Dave. She yells something in furious German at Steve before flipping him off and doing a “fuck you” gesture while fuming out of the restaurant.

 

There’s an awkward silence before Dave translates, sheepishly: “I think the Duchess says: You’re fired.” Steve turns to glare at Dave.

 

Meanwhile, Chief Carson was indeed arrested due to public indecency, and Granny Dave comes to visit him at his jail cell. Chief Carson pleads: “You gotta get me released, Miriam! Please, after all we’ve been through.” Granny Dave declares that she’s not a petty woman, so she’ll extend Chief Carson more empathy than he offered any of those lesbians he locked up. Granny Dave then sees Superintendent Michelson walking by. “I have an idea on how to get release…” Granny Dave smirks, before deciding to release Chief Carson in the most vindictive way she can – so Chief Carson is left feeling cucked as he watches Granny Dave leave to go chase after the younger, hotter superintendent.

Meanwhile, a beaming Becky is ushered into the jail, overjoyed at the thought of imminent lesbian nirvana – but just as Becky is led towards the holding cells, Becky notices dozens of lesbians being led out the other way. Becky nervously asks where all the lesbians are going, to which the guards explain that all those ladies have all been released due to the credibility of their arrests being undermined after their arrestor’s incarceration.

 

So the episode ends with Becky getting locked into the same cell as Chief Carson. Becky balks at the old man she’s sharing the cell with, her hopes of hot lesbian prison-sex dashed. There’s a long awkward silence before Chief Carson says, “you want to hear a knock-knock joke?” Becky buries her face in her hands in disappointment.

The Homophobe

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The episode begins with Dave visiting Madeline’s House, at which Madeline decides to set Dave up with a “very special girl” named Randi.

 

So Dave agrees to meet Randi, and the two go on a romantic date. After dinner they go back to Randi’s place to have incredible sex. However, their post-coital bliss is interrupted when Randi makes a jarringly homophobic offhand remark. “Sex between a man and a woman is so beautiful. I pity the gays for not being able to experience vaginal intercourse.” Dave is stunned. Randi asks: “You do agree, don’t you??” Dave hesitates, “uhhh…”

 

So the next day, Dave returns to Madeline’s House to complain: “You never told me Randi was a homophobe!” Madeline counters: “You never asked!” “I can’t date a homophobe, Madeline!” “Why not! Opposites attract, Dave!"

 

With some finagling, Madeline eventually manages to coax Dave on board with dating Randi: “Look she’s not perfect but every couple has their issues! Besides, it’s not like she’s out there committing hate crimes or anything. Plus look at her bazooms!” Dave is ultimately persuaded – however, if Dave is going to continue dating Randi, he realizes a lot of secrets will need to be kept: Not only will Dave have to hide his sexual fluidity from Randi, he’ll also have to hide his relationship with Randi from Granny Dave lest she out Dave, as well as hide his relationship with the Shack of Queers from Randi lest she know Dave associates with queers. Basically, Dave will have to keep up an unbelievably complicated web of lies until the potential day in which Dave can iron out Randi’s one personality flaw – her egregious homophobia.

 

Shortly after Dave leaves Madeline’s House does Becky show up – it seems that Becky has decided to give Dave’s matchmaker a try for herself. However, when she consults with Madeline, their conversation quickly derails when Becky meets Madeline's effeminate husband, Ricky for the first time. “That’s your husband?” Becky questions after Ricky comes over and gives some sassy pointers on how Becky can make her outfit more fabulous. “I know!! Handsome, isn’t he?” Madeline proudly beams. 

 

After Madeline finishes setting Becky up with a girl named Jenny, Becky rushes over to confront Ricky in the kitchen: “Ricky, I have to ask: Are you…?” Becky says while doing a limp wrist gesture. “Puerto Rican? Yes Honey,” Ricky responds without missing a beat.

 

Meanwhile, Dave indeed continues seeing Randi, but he’s having trouble hiding his sexuality from her. For example, Randi notices that Dave has a RuPaul’s Drag Race phone case. She asks incredulously: “You’re a fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race?” Dave stutters and stammers trying to dismiss this, but Randi just cuts him off enthusiastically: “I had no idea you were so into cars! Drag racing is very masculine.” Dave lies and corroborates that RuPaul’s Drag Race is indeed a macho fixation of his, before breathing out a sigh of relief – phew! Dave definitely dodged a bullet, but he realizes he needs to be even more careful about hiding his queerness from Randi.

 

So Dave manages to keep his sexual fluidity under wraps for a few weeks, but matters complicate when Randi calls up Dave one day and asks if she can stay at his place for a week due to fumigations at her apartment. And unfortunately for Dave, Randi isn’t taking no for an answer. So Dave reluctantly invites her over – he’ll just have to find some way to hide Randi’s homophobia from his friends and hide his friends’ queerness from Randi while Randi cohabitates for the week.

 

And indeed this pickle that Dave has found himself in is like navigating a minefield. For example, while Randi is bringing a suitcase into the house from her car, Theo, in his full fursuit, walks by and heads into the backyard. Dave tries to dismiss his housemate’s fetish, explaining that Theo is just a mascot for PetCo. Randi asks: “He wears his mascot outfit around the house??” Dave responds: “He’s a method mascot.”

 

Furthermore, In an effort to prevent Randi from ever meeting the staunchly lesbian Becky or running into Fin if he’s ever bringing a gay casting director home one night, Dave tries to make the Pool House off limits for Randi: He convinces her to never set foot backyard, as Dave lies that the levels of chlorine in the pool are dangerously high, and Randi could get chlorine poisoning from simply breathing in the air around the Patio.

 

But even with Randi obfuscated from the Patio, Dave still has to navigate hiding Randi’s homophobia from Granny Dave while the three share a roof. For instance, when Randi happily watches a homophobic Dave Chapelle Netflix special on her laptop in the living room, Dave has to “accidentally” slam Randi’s laptop shut when Granny Dave enters.

 

Dave’s attempts to hide Randi's homophobia persist throughout the week, but because so much of Randi’s personality is tied up in her homophobia, eventually something slips through the cracks: One day, when helping Randi with her laundry, Dave fails to collect a Matt Walsh t-shirt and leaves it in the dryer for Granny Dave to discover later.

 

When Randi is out at work the next day, Granny Dave confronts Dave about the shirt. Dave tries to lie and say the shirt is his, as he “finds Matt Walsh weirdly attractive,” but Granny Dave isn’t buying it, and she susses out that her grandson is having a relationship with a homophobe under her roof. So Dave admits the truth, and tells Granny Dave that he’s dating a homophobe and that he’s concealing his sexual fluidity from her. Disappointed in her grandson, Granny Dave demands Dave break up with the she-devil at once – but Dave refuses and begs Granny Dave to please refrain from telling Randi the truth about Dave’s sexuality.

But unfortunately for Dave, Granny Dave instantly outs Dave to Randi as soon as Randi comes home from work.

 

Randi is horrified: “Dave... Is this true?” Dave stammers back, sweating bullets: “Um… Well… I’m not going to lie to you, so… the truth is… my grandmother has dementia.” Granny Dave protests this, but Dave just dismisses Granny Dave’s coherent objections as “the jibber jabber of a woman in her twilight years.” And unfortunately for Granny Dave, Randi believes Dave hook line and sinker. And now, with Dave able to invalidate anything Granny Dave says with the dementia excuse, Granny Dave is left with no other option but to show Randi tangible proof regarding the truth about Dave’s sexuality.

 

Meanwhile, Becky is out to dinner with the girl that Madeline set her up with – Jenny is cute and funny, but Becky is unable to focus on the date, as her mind is elsewhere: “Listen Jenny, I gotta be honest here. I can’t stop thinking about this guy named Ricky.” “I thought you were lesbian,” Jenny says, confused. “And I’m pretty sure he’s gay!” Becky exclaims.

 

The date continues into the night, but the whole while, Becky just constantly obsesses over her suspicions about Ricky’s sexuality: “He has to be gay. Even his name is gay. Straight people don’t shorten Richard to Ricky. Shit, Dick is even straighter than Ricky.” Becky goes on to point out that she uncovered that Madeline and Ricky even sleep in separate bedrooms when she went snooping around the house. “Maybe that’s just a sleeping arrangement that works for them,” Jenny defeatedly says, looking like she wants to go home. Becky retorts: “So you think I’m wrong? Well, I’ll show you, Jenny.” While Becky seethes, Jenny desperately tries to flag down a waiter for the check.

 

Meanwhile, back at the Davidson House, a cat and mouse game between Dave and Granny Dave is underway. Granny Dave hatches an elaborate scheme to have Dave’s own body out Dave to Randi. So Granny Dave plans to bombard Dave with an abundance of gay stimuli in front of Randi in order to have her catch him in the act of a homoerotically-induced erection. So Granny Dave goes to Hole and asks Dani Grave if she can borrow all the club’s male gogo dancers for an hour. Dani Grave allows this, telling Granny Dave, “anything for you, my queen.”

 

So later that evening, Dave and Randi’s “Fox News and chill” is interrupted by the doorbell. Dave answers the door to find a fleet of speedo-clad himbos. These buff adonises pretend to be a water polo team whose bus broke down nearby the Davidson House – but when Dave lets them in to use the phone, they just start gogo dancing on the furniture and making out with each other in an effort to turn Dave on.

 

And unfortunately for Dave, this aggressively homoerotic display is indeed arousing him in front of an aghast Randi. Granny Dave whispers to Dave, while gesturing at the rapidly erecting bulge in Dave’s pants: “Just like Pinocchio, Dave. When he tells a lie, his nose grows bigger.” Panicked, Dave tries to usher these gogo dancers out of the house, but when Dave touches their oiled-up rippling muscles, Dave’s half-chub boner only grows larger.

 

However, unfortunately for Granny Dave, Dave cleverly manages to use a broom handle to herd these sexy men out of the house without ever touching them. And even more infuriating to Granny Dave, Randi is thrilled by Dave’s seemingly violent act, proud of her boyfriend for “roughing up those fags.”

 

Meanwhile, Becky returns to Madeline’s House to debrief after the date: “Jenny said there was a weird vibe, Becky. What happened there?” Becky responds: “I’m gonna answer that question with another question. Do you mind if my hot friend Leonard sits in on our meeting today?”

 

Becky calls Leonard into the room to sit beside her and silently flex his muscles in an assortment of poses. While Madeline’s debrief with Becky ensues, Becky just keeps staring at Ricky in the other room, waiting to see how Ricky reacts whenever Leonard strikes a sexy pose. To Becky’s irritation, Ricky refuses to ever look up from watching Real Housewives on his iPad.

 

Meanwhile, back at the Davidson residence, Dave is unbelievably incensed by the fake water polo scheme and is thusly refusing to speak to Granny Dave. So the next day, Granny Dave returns to Dave with a peace offering: Granny Dave presents Dave with a glow-in-the-dark dildo as a gift, before adding, “just in case your homophobic girlfriend isn’t satisfying you in all the ways you may want.” Granny Dave goes on to explain that the dildo she bought – “Glowby Wand Dildoby” – is supposed to be a top of the line model with futuristic sexual technology maximized for enhanced pleasure. However, Dave picks up on the passive aggressiveness of Granny Dave’s gift, so he snubs his nose at the dildo and insists that he doesn’t need it, because he’s already fully satisfied by his homophobic girlfriend.

 

However, despite his protests, Dave’s curiosity eventually gets the better of him and he indeed utilizes the glow-in-the-dark dildo. However, when Dave finishes masturbating with the dildo, Dave is horrified to realize that “Glowby Wand Dildoby” has actually stained Dave’s asshole a glow-in-the-dark green.

 

Dave accuses Granny Dave of intentionally giving him a dildo that would mark his asshole – and realizing his anus is just a pawn in Granny Dave’s scheme, Dave laments: “Oh god. How am I going to explain to Randi that my asshole glows like a firefly’s butt?” Granny Dave sarcastically taunts: “Yeah, if your homophobic girlfriend gets a gander at your anus all painted up, she’s gonna start asking questions that I don’t think you’re prepared to answer.”

 

Meanwhile, Becky’s obsession with Ricky grows. One night, she lies awake in bed thinking about Ricky – until, at her wit’s end, Becky throws the sheets off and rushes out the door to head over to Madeline and Ricky’s house for answers. 

 

So Becky arrives, and under a full moon, she tosses pebbles at Ricky’s window. Eventually Ricky comes out onto his balcony and Becky calls up: “I just had to see you, Ricky… We have to talk.” Ricky returns into the house and rushes downstairs to meet Becky outside. Eventually Ricky comes down and Becky grabs him by the hand: “Ricky… I need you to tell me the truth. And it’s okay if you are, but I just need to know. Are you…” But before Becky can finish, Ricky leans in for a kiss.

 

After a brief moment, Ricky pulls away. “Yes, I am attracted to you, Becky! I feel it too, chica. But this thing between us – it’s wrong! It can never be. My heart belongs to Madeline!” Becky is simply frozen, too stunned to speak.

 

Ricky turns away and starts heading toward the house, while muttering under his breath: “That should keep her off my trail.”

 

Meanwhile, when Randi comes home horny from work, Dave has to navigate hiding his glow-in-the-dark butthole from her: Randi amorously orders Dave to turn the light off so that they can have sex, but Dave nervously protests. Dave’s behavior is suspicious, so Randi asks if he’s hiding something. Dave responds: “Not at all! In fact, I’m gonna poke a hole in your theory there: If I were trying to hide something, I would want the lights off! You see? The fact that I want the lights on implies—”  But Randi just cuts Dave off. Fed up, she demands the lights off. So Dave is forced to agree. Dave panics at the thought of Randi catching a glimpse of his glowing butthole in the dark, until Dave cleverly decides to suggest that the two engage in blindfolded sex tonight. Impressed by Dave’s spontaneous kinkiness, Randi agrees.

 

So the two fuck – and Dave’s glowing butt lights up the room while their naked bodies gyrate, but Randi’s blindfold keeps her in the dark.

 

Eventually, Dave manages to make it through sex with Randi without exposing his glowing butthole. After fucking, Dave has to take a leak. But unfortunately for Dave, Randi already removed her blindfold. Thus, to get to the toilet, Dave carefully shimmies and slithers himself across the room and towards the bathroom door like some sort of anus slug, never breaking contact between his butthole and a surface, be it bedsheet, rug, or wall, in order to keep the glow concealed. Randi watches in confusion, until Dave eventually disappears out the bedroom door.

 

From the hallway, Granny Dave watches as a naked Dave heads into the bathroom. She smiles to herself.

 

Dave closes the door, walks over to the toilet, and starts peeing. Just then, Dave sees the green dildo on the sink counter, illuminated in the dark bathroom. Dave realizes that Granny Dave must have placed the dildo there in hopes of outing Dave. Dave waits to finish peeing before attempting to hide the dildo.

 

While Dave uses the bathroom, Granny Dave pops her head into Dave’s bedroom and feigns having the dementia that Dave pinned on her: “Randi, darling, my dementia is acting up. Could you please help lead me to the bathroom, I just can’t seem to find it…”

 

While Randi leads Granny Dave through the hallway towards the bathroom, Dave finishes peeing. He then walks over to the kitchen sink and goes to grab the dildo, but it seems Granny Dave had lubed it up, so it slips out of Dave’s hands and falls onto the tile floor behind the toilet. Dave bends down on all fours and reaches for it.

 

While Dave’s fingering this elusive dildo towards him, Randi leads Granny Dave to the bathroom door. “Here we are, Granny Dave,” Randi patronizes. Granny Dave drops the dementia act and responds: “Wonderful, now check this out.”

 

In the bathroom, just as Dave finally grabs the dildo, brandishing it upwards in his hand, the door swings open and Randi is face-to-anus with Dave as he’s bent over on his hands and knees on the bathroom floor. Dave freezes. He peeks behind himself to see Randi’s face bathed in neon green light. Randi’s doing the math: She looks at the glowing dildo in Dave’s hand, then at his glowing green butthole…

 

CUT TO an irate Randi storming out of Dave’s home. “Randi, I can explain!” Dave pleads. But Randi angrily weeps: “No need! Your butthole already told me everything!” And after explaining that she’d rather go home and fill her lungs with pesticides than spend another second around Dave’s queer ass, Randi exits.

 

Dave just stands defeatedly at the door in pitch black darkness, before Granny Dave calls from the other room: “Better luck next time, Dave. Anyways, come join me for a nightcap on the Patio. I’ve got some whiskey with your name on it, kid.” Dave thinks for a moment before saying: “Yeah, let me go throw some pants on.” As Dave turns to leave, we see a little glow-in-the-dark neon green dot bounce down the pitch black hallway, until it finally disappears around the corner.

The Wedding

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The episode begins with Fin at an audition for the role of Armand Goldman in an upcoming dramatic remake of The Birdcage. After Fin executes a surprisingly poignant reading of the dramatic version of the dinner scene, the film’s director, Andy, is spellbound.

 

So Andy offers Fin the lead role. Fin can hardly find the words to express his joy, his dreams of fame and stardom right before his eyes. The director comes over and gives Fin a pat on the back, suggesting that they should all celebrate: “Hey, why don’t you and your husband come over for dinner this weekend?” Andy suggests. This detail pulls Fin out of his euphoric stupor – “husband??” Fin asks. The director just looks at Fin quizzically, so Fin continues: “Ah! Yes! My husband! My husband and I would love to join you for dinner!”

 

However, Andy picks up that something is wrong: “It sounds like you don’t have a husband, Fin. You know, the casting call specifically said we were looking for a married gay man to embody the raw truth in Armand Goldman’s character.” But Fin assures the director: “Don’t worry. I totally have a husband. And I’ll prove it to you on Friday night when me and my husband get dinner with you.” The director just squints at Fin and says, “I still don’t believe you.” Fin responds: “Well what’s it gonna take to get you to believe me, then??” “I don’t know… Wedding photos? A marriage license?” “Done, I’ll have them by Friday,” Fin promises.

 

Meanwhile, Granny Dave is having sex with a weezing man who is clearly having trouble with his stamina. Granny Dave looks positively bored as she asks: “You know, your profile said you were a marathon runner.” The guy responds between gasps: “Yeah! Well, that was before I took up smoking.” Granny Dave just mutters under her breath between mediocre thrusts: “And you also claimed it was 10 inches.”

 

The next morning, Granny Dave sits around the Patio with Becky, the two lamenting their love lives. Granny Dave has come to a realization after her disappointing lay last night: “I only have so many years left on this earth – moreover, I only have so many orgasms left. Can’t waste them on limpdick littlelung duds.” So Granny Dave decides to hire a “sexual assistant” – someone who can pre-screen Granny Dave’s potential lays and filter the quality fucks upwards.

 

After Granny Dave finishes lamenting last-night’s lay, Becky laments her relationship with Ming, the girl she’s been seeing. Becky explains that Ming is smart, funny, and gorgeous, but there’s one thing Becky can’t stand about Ming: her nipple piercings. Becky explains that it may be petty, but she hates the damned things, as whenever Becky looks at the little hoops dangling from Ming’s breasts, she cringes at the thought of how painful it must be to stab a hole through one’s nipples.

 

Meanwhile, following his conversation with the director, Fin immediately rushes to Madeline’s House for her to set him up with somebody. “What kind of person are you looking for today, Fin? Tall? Dark? Handsome?” Fin just responds: “Desperate, mostly.”

 

So Fin goes on a date with a forty-something, fat and bald man. The fat bald guy is talking about how he’s unemployed, lives with his mother, and has a liver problem, to which Fin responds: “Great, that all sounds good to me, let’s get married.” However, unfortunately for Fin, the fat bald guy responds: “Um… I may be desperate, but I’m not crazy.” On a tight timeline, Fin immediately drops the pleasantries and stands up to leave the restaurant, while saying “we’re done here.”

 

Meanwhile, Granny Dave follows through on her sexual assistant idea and interviews Cindy, the president of Cindy’s Sloppy Seconds LLC. In the interview process, Granny Dave asks Cindy for her qualifications, to which Cindy responds: “Well, I have a PhD in cognitive psychology from Harvard, and I was a prostitute for three years.” Granny Dave responds: “You’re hired.”

 

In this partnership, Granny Dave presents Cindy with a few potential leads, and Cindy’s job is to have sex with all of them, then report back to Granny Dave with a powerpoint going through each option and informing Granny Dave about which person will provide her with the most worthwhile orgasms.

 

And Cindy upholds her end of the bargain and soon returns to Granny Dave with a debrief. She clicks through her powerpoint and arrives at Jerome’s slide. Granny Dave asks: “And how was Jerome?” to which Cindy responds: “Knew how to hit my clit, but he stuck a finger up my ass, and spat in my mouth a little… 6/10.” After Cindy finishes her powerpoint, Granny Dave selects someone from the powerpoint named Marvin, then shakes hands with Cindy, thanking her for her professionalism.

 

So Granny Dave goes on to fuck Marvin, and indeed the sex matched Cindy’s description, cementing Granny Dave’s thought that hiring Cindy was a good idea.

 

Meanwhile, after his bad date with the fat and bald man, Fin angrily exits the restaurant to head home – but when he passes by a crazy homeless man, Fin gets an idea. Fin asks the crazy homeless guy to clean up and come to City Hall with Fin to marry him for $200.

 

The homeless man agrees, so Fin takes him behind an alley, finds a hose, and starts spraying the homeless man with water to get all the street schmutz off.

 

Next, Fin buys the homeless guy new clothes and deodorant, and they head towards City Hall to get married. But to Fin’s annoyance, the homeless guy keeps going on and on about crack – and in a Mike Tyson lisp, the homeless man announces to the heavens: “Look at your little ‘crackhead’ now, mama! I’m goin’ to City Hall to get married! …Then I’ll smoke two hundred dollars of crack! Honeymoon crack! That’ll hit different.”

 

Realizing that this crack-addicted hobo is never going to be presentable to the director, Fin leads the homeless man onto the LA Metro, but Fin doesn’t get on the train as the subway doors close. Locked apart, the poor homeless man presses his face against the window and watches in sorrow as the train whisks him away from his fiancé/crack source.

 

As Fin walks home, he mutters to himself. “What am I gonna do?? I need to marry somebody like yesterday! And the problem is, I need to find somebody who’s desperate and crazy, but they still have to be presentable!”

 

Fin returns home to find Dave lifting some five-pound dumbbells in the front lawn. Fin asks Dave what he’s doing, to which Dave responds: “Oh it may sound a little desperate and crazy, but I’m presenting myself to the neighborhood.” Dave goes on to explain that there’s supposed to be a hot new mailman in the neighborhood, so he’s staking out in the front lawn with his weights. Realizing his opportunity, and seeing what he must do, Fin immediately goes for a flirtatious squeeze on Dave’s nonexistent biceps, and says: “Well, you look great, I must say.”

 

Fin continues to flirt with Dave for a bit, until Dave finally picks up on it. Curious, Dave asks: “Wait, aren’t you asexual?” Fin replies with a sexy wink: “Maybe I’m not anymore.” Dave eagerly responds: “Good enough for me! Wanna go on a date?”

 

Meanwhile, Becky is over at Ming’s house. The two are attempting to have sex, but Ming can tell there’s something wrong. Becky fesses up and explains that she really likes Ming, but that she’s also having trouble getting past the nipple piercings – as to Becky, nipple piercings just feel like “ruining one's body.” Ming rebukes: “It’s not ruining, Becky, it’s enhancing!” Becky claims that she’ll never be able to get over the nipple piercings, but Ming says that her nipple piercings are part of her identity, so they’re staying – so if Becky can’t get past them, their relationship won’t work out. So in an effort to save their relationship, Ming suggests exposure therapy as one final attempt to change Becky’s worldview – Ming posits that if Becky gets nipple piercings herself, she’ll see there’s nothing harmful about them. Despite every petty bone in Becky’s body hating this idea, she reluctantly agrees, as Ming is otherwise perfect for her.

 

Meanwhile, Dave and Fin go on a date – and on the date, Dave admits that he’s thrilled Fin isn’t asexual anymore, as Dave has always had a little crush on him in spite of (or perhaps because of) Fin's previous unattainability. Hearing this, Fin smiles like a lion stalking his unsuspecting prey.

 

After their date, Fin takes Dave home and fucks him in a persuasively romantic fashion – Fin utilizes plenty of expertly convincing moans to really seal the deal. And after sex, Fin picks up on Dave’s post-coital bliss and realizes that now’s the chance to go in for the kill and ask Dave to marry him.

 

So Fin pops Dave the question, and Dave is excited by the prospect, but he does hesitate. But as he twirls his finger along Dave’s chest, Fin explains: “Oh, come on, Dave. We’ve known each other for years. This is hardly the most impetuous thing you’ve done in the name of love.” Dave sees Fin’s point.

 

So Dave agrees to marry Fin. To that, Fin immediately drops the lovey-dovey voice and responds all business-like: “Great, I got the paperwork right here.” Fin whips out a stack of papers from the nightstand, hands Dave a pen, and directs Dave through the documents: “Just sign here. And initial here. And I’ll need your social security number.” Fin continues: “Here’s a ring. Swell, it even fits. The wedding’s at 6PM tomorrow night. And I’ve got a photographer lined up, so comb your damn hair.”

 

With the paperwork taken care of, Fin is about to leave to head home to sleep in his bed in the Pool House, until Dave reminds him that they’re married, so they should probably sleep in the same bed from now on. Despite hating the sensation of cuddling, Fin agrees, not wanting to blow it with Dave. So Fin has to suffer through a long night of gentle cuddling, as Dave holds onto Fin’s ticklish sides like a loving spouse should. Fin can’t stand this sensation, but he powers through for the sake of his scheme.

 

Meanwhile, Granny Dave fucks a few more of Cindy’s selects, but she quickly finds that over time, the quality of Cindy’s suggestions are going down the tubes. Granny Dave eventually becomes suspicious that Cindy is keeping all of the blue chip boys to herself.

 

The next day, Dave and Fin head to City Hall to get married. The two are asked by an all-purpose religious officiant what they’re looking for: “We have Hindu, Muslim, standard…” Dave requests Jewish, and after a brisk six-minute ceremony, the two are legally wed. The officiant asks Fin: “Would you like to step on the wine glass?” Fin responds: “I’m not doing that, these are new shoes.”

 

The wedding’s “afterparty” takes place at a DTLA studio with a cyc wall. But the only guests in attendance are some of Fin’s actor acquaintances, who are busily scurrying around the space pushing wardrobe racks and unfurling large realistic backdrops to stage various locations. Fin checks his watch and then raises a director’s megaphone to his lips: “Listen up, we’re shooting ‘Fin and Dave on Cruise in the Baltics’ now – and I need the ‘Chanukah in Paris’ set staged in five! Chop chop, people! We have memories to make!” As a few of Fin’s harried actor friends start undressing Dave out of his wedding clothes and start dressing him in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, Dave just confusedly asks Fin what’s going on – to which Fin responds: “You know how some people get photo booths for their weddings? This is like that only better.”

 

Dave is quickly ushered over to a beach set, where he and Fin pose like they’re on a summer getaway. Just before the photographer starts snapping photos, Fin reminds Dave: “Nice big smile, Dave! Pretend that you really love me!” Dave sincerely responds, “I do love you,” to which Fin says, “perfect.”

 

So now, after successfully collecting his marriage license from the officiant and collaging together his slapdash wedding album, Fin tells Dave that they’re ready to head out. “What are we doing for our honeymoon?” Dave asks. Fin explains: “We’re going to Venice!” Dave gasps with joy, until Fin keeps talking: “Yeah, there’s this little pizza joint on Venice Beach called Johnny’s Pies.” Dave, somewhat disappointedly replies: “Oh, we’re just staying in California… Then maybe we could drive out to Palm Springs for a romantic—” But Fin interrupts: “No, we’re already booked for dinner at Johnny’s Pies.”

 

Meanwhile, Cindy shows an incensed Granny Dave another powerpoint. While the two are going through it, Granny Dave suspiciously points out that someone Cindy labeled a measly 2/10 looks extremely handsome and has a gigantic bulge in his jeans. Cindy simply responds in a professional tone: “I can assure you Granny Dave, he’s a shower, not a grower. And he’s far less attractive naked.” But Granny Dave doesn’t believe her and the two have a Curb Your Enthusiasm-esque stare down: “You’re sure he was a 2/10, Cindy?”

 

Meanwhile, Fin and Dave arrive at Johnny’s Pies. Fin explains that they’re meeting Fin’s “friend” Andy and his husband DeShawn for dinner tonight. In an effort to obfuscate the truth that Fin and Dave got married mere hours earlier, Fin tells Dave not to mention their wedding, as Fin goes on to lie that Andy and DeShawn’s marriage has been on the rocks lately, so they should avoid making them feel bad by bragging about their wedding today. Dave gullibly agrees to do so.

 

Moments later, Andy and DeShawn arrive at Johnny’s Pies. And Andy is impressed to see Fin present his doting husband, Dave. The four go on to enjoy a surprisingly jovial evening.

 

When Dave receives a phone call from Dr. Bearenstein, he excuses himself to take the call outside the restaurant. And with Dave out of earshot, Fin goes in for the kill with Andy. Fin presents Andy the marriage certificate (while covering up the date with his thumb) and then presents his surprisingly robust wedding album. While Andy flips through the scrapbook, he admits that he was wrong to doubt the legitimacy of Fin’s marriage, and that he would be thrilled to offer Fin the lead role in The Birdcage remake.

 

Outside the restaurant, Dave takes his phone call with Dr. Bearenstein, while Fin can be seen jumping for joy through the pizza place window. Dr. Bearenstein asks, while holding up a small letter: “Dave, my secretary told me you left a postcard with her saying you got married. May I ask why?” Dave explains: “Oh, because I got married.”

 

But Dr. Bearenstein is highly skeptical of this whirlwind marriage to Dave’s asexual friend. But Dave persists: “He wouldn’t have had sex with me if he was asexual!” Dr. Bearenstein responds: “Dave, you already had sex with him a few months ago at that orgy you told me about.”

 

So Dr. Bearenstein goes through all the suspicious details of the marriage and plants insecurity and doubt in Dave. Defensive, Dave just spits some venom at Dr. Bearenstein: “I see what this is! You’re just mad that you’re losing your best customer! You’re just trying to talk me out of my marriage, because a happy monogamous husband doesn’t need regular STD checks! Well fuck you, Dr. Bearenstein, my marriage is real.” Dave hangs up and heads back in to join Fin.

 

Meanwhile, Becky is surprisingly feeling her oats with her newly pierced nipples. She goes over to Ming’s to have sex. And the two are having incredible sex, until their hoop nipple piercings somehow manage to interlock. Becky balks at the sight of the metal hoops interlocked, and she and Ming try pulling away from each other – but that only seems to make things worse, as the two realize they are in a Chinese finger trap-esque scenario. So Becky and Ming very quickly start to panic and scream at each other as they try to figure out a way out of this mess, but eventually a hyperventilating Ming is beyond reasoning: “I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE, I HAVE DIAGNOSED CLAUSTROPHOBIA!” Ming screams before desperately pulling away from Becky and gruesomely ripping each other’s nipples off in the process.

 

Meanwhile, Dave walks back into the restaurant and sits back down at the table with Fin, Andy, and DeShawn, but the damage from Dr. Bearenstein’s phone call has already been done: Insecure, Dave anxiously looks to Fin for reassurance in their marriage by asking if Fin “really loves him” and acting generally very clingy.

 

Fin tells Dave whatever Dave wants to hear, but because Dave’s insecurity knows no bounds, he escalates to seeking physical affirmation. Thus, Dave starts trying to cuddle up to Fin at the table. Fin is getting unbelievably irritated by Dave’s clinginess, but when Dave starts squeezing Fin’s ticklish sides, Fin loses any semblance of control over his temper and SNAPS at Dave: “I HATE when you touch me. I HATE it and I HATE you!”

 

Dave, Andy, and DeShawn just stare at Fin, horrified. Fin desperately tries to smooth this faux-pas over, but when Dave sarcastically grumbles that “this is some honeymoon,” the truth about their “marriage” comes out. Andy just scolds Fin indignantly: “You’re a lunatic who staged a farce marriage. That’s hardly the kind of person we want portraying Armand Goldman! You sir, are a monster.” And with a huff, Andy fires Fin from the movie, and he and DeShawn storm out of the restaurant.

 

There’s a long awkward silence before Dave says: “You know, he’s right, Fin. You really shouldn’t talk to your husband that way.” Off of Fin’s furious face, we CUT TO:

 

A judge bangs a gavel: “Divorce is final. Mr. Davidson, you are hereby ordered to pay Mr. Littlesnake $500 a month in alimony.” Dave frowns. Fin feigns victimhood: “Thank you, judge. This marriage was just a toxic, dysfunctional, truly contentious twenty-four hours.”

 

The episode ends with Granny Dave, Fin, Becky and Theo all hanging out around the Patio. Becky has a couple of ice packs on her nipples. Having learned a valuable lesson, Becky vows that she should have been even more petty about the damn nipple piercings all along: “When I’m open minded, my damn nipples get fucking ripped off.”

 

Theo asks Granny Dave how it’s going with the sexual assistant. Granny Dave explains that going forward, she’s just decided to pre-fuck the people before sending them to Cindy, in order to make sure that Cindy isn’t holding out on her. Theo points out that Granny Dave’s relationship with Cindy has now been rendered completely pointless, to which Granny Dave just shrugs and takes a sip from her martini.

 

And to cap things off, Dave exits the house, humiliated. He shamefully walks past his friends and family who laugh at Dave’s expense as he heads to go pay his ex-husband, Fin, $500 in alimony. (These alimony payments and Fin's status as Dave's ex-husband become a small detail of continuity that will persist and occasionally be referenced going forward in the show.)

The Mixer

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This bottle episode will follow Dave, Granny Dave, Fin, Becky, and Theo’s trip to Madeline’s House for her annual mixer. As such, this episode will constantly shift between following each of these characters’ five respective dating stories that they experience at this mixer extravaganza.

 

Naturally, the episode begins with Dave, Granny Dave, Fin, Becky, and Theo all arriving at Madeline's House. Upon entering, the five are welcomed by Madeline and Ricky. Madeline gives everyone a hug, while Ricky sips from a tall glass of red wine.

 

Per Madeline’s request upon arriving at the mixer, Dave and his friends are required to surrender their mobile devices, as Madeline is trying to create a phone-free mixer where everybody is forced to socialize face-to-face. So Dave and co fork over their phones, and Madeline zips them away inside a little plastic baggy.

 

However, mere moments after Madeline takes everyone’s phones does Dave’s phone start buzzing within the bag. Dave asks if he can answer it, to which Madeline teases “too late!” She whisks the phones to the other room, as we cut to Dr. Bearenstein on the other end of the line waiting for Dave to pick up. He leaves a message on Dave's voicemail that he accidentally misdiagnosed Dave’s itchy groin as heat rash, when in actuality Dave has crabs. We then cut back to the mixer to see Dave indeed scratching at his crotch.

 

Madeline then tells everybody to go mingle and enjoy the party. She goes on to point out some of the mixer’s fantabulous amenities: There’s a luxurious food spread; sporty toys to play around with like a Nerf frisbee and beach balls; and Madeline even hired a facepainter! Madeline suggests: “Come on, Dave! Let’s go get our faces painted like cheetahs!” “Ugh, fine,” Dave says while distractedly scratching at his crotch before following Madeline over to the facepainter.

 

While Dave does that, Granny Dave and Fin immediately head over to the buffet to get their hands on the good stuff. Theo, feeling awkward alone, follows them over to the buffet. Fin asks Theo where his fursuit is. Theo explains that Becky convinced him that if he was tired of being lonely, maybe he should try ditching the doggy outfit. So, Theo is trying her advice out for a spin in hopes of meeting a nice girl at the mixer. Granny Dave softens: “But Theo, honey, don’t you want to date a Furry?” “I’ve just been so lonely,” Theo explains, “I guess I’m just open to anyone at this point.”

 

Meanwhile, Fin is just here for the buffet. He’s helping himself to very generous scoops of Madeline’s caviar spread. However, while making his rounds by the buffet, Fin is interrupted by a gentleman suitor named Gilly – Gilly tries to flirt with Fin, but Fin simply asks: “Do you work in film or know anyone in film?” Gilly indeed doesn’t have any connections that are of use to Fin, so Fin tells him, “get lost, bozo.” However, Gilly continues to persistently follow Fin around the buffet, chatting and trying his darndest to get to know Fin, much to Fin’s chagrin.

 

Meanwhile, Granny Dave finishes stuffing her arms with a few bottles of Madeline’s finest wines from the beverage spread, so she leaves the buffet to go post up on the couch. Granny Dave is just enjoying a glass, when a guy comes over and starts flirting with her. However, moments after being approached, a second guy comes over to flirt with Granny Dave as well. The two guys quickly start arguing about who was there first. Pleased, Granny Dave just sips on her wine and watches.

 

Meanwhile, we return to Dave to see him making his rounds through the mixer’s eligible bachelors – he eventually starts flirting with a girl named Tara. However, unfortunately for Dave, Tara is lesbian, so she rejects Dave before Dave even gets a word in edgewise.

 

Ricky sees this instantaneous rejection from across the living room and comes over to console Dave. He gives Dave a hug before adjusting Dave’s hair a little and brushing some lint off Dave’s shirt, telling him to “get back out there, tiger” with a wink. Ricky then leaves to go pour himself another glass of wine, but Dave is left strongly feeling that Ricky may have just been coming onto him…

 

Meanwhile, after Dave struck out with Tara, Becky comes over to introduce herself, having overheard that Tara’s a lesbian. And after a brief conversation, Becky is instantly smitten by how much she thinks they have in common: Tara says she’s a total hippie, animal lover, and staunch environmentalist – everything Becky claims to be.

 

Meanwhile, Dave goes to Granny Dave to ask for advice on the Ricky situation. When Dave meets her on the couch, we see that the guys arguing about who gets to chat with Granny Dave have already escalated from two to six people. Living for their pissing match, Granny Dave just goads them on: “Dillon makes some good points, maybe he should be the one I chat with.” This makes Tom start yelling. “Ooh, love the passion, Tommy. Points for that.”

 

In any case, Dave tells Granny Dave he’s thinking about making a move on Ricky. She asks: “So you’re gonna fuck Madeline’s husband?” “Granny Dave, fucking Madeline’s husband could be my only shot at love.” “I’m just saying, that’s your matchmaker, Dave. You may want to be positive that Ricky’s actually into you before propositioning it.” So Dave decides to follow Granny Dave’s advice and suss it out more with Ricky.

 

As Dave leaves Granny Dave, Fin comes over in an attempt to lose Gilly. He hides himself in the crowd of people arguing over Granny Dave. But no dice, Gilly still manages to find Fin. Fin sighs as Gilly continues trying to chat with him.

 

Meanwhile, Becky and Tara head over to the buffet to talk and eat. However, much to Becky’s irritation, every time Tara takes a new cube of cheese from the cheese platter, she uses a brand-new toothpick. Becky tells Tara that she doesn’t need a fresh toothpick every time she grabs a single cube of cheese, as it’s bad for the environment, but Tara just laughs, thinking Becky’s joking. “That’s funny, Becky! Imagine if somebody was that much of an asshole to say something that petty to me!” Seeing that she’s potentially touching a nerve, Becky decides to ease up and not push anymore on the toothpick front. Thus, Becky just has to hold it in whenever she watches Tara throw out a perfectly good toothpick only to grab yet another for each bite of cheese.

 

Meanwhile, slightly further down the buffet table, we find Theo meeting a lovely girl named Sally. (Theo is finding that it is indeed much easier to meet people when he's out of his fursuit.) The two share a laugh, before Sally thanks Theo for talking to her, as she’s also been feeling awful lonely lately. The two bond over this, until Sally adds that part of the reason she’s been feeling so lonely is because everyone she meets is such a freak. Sally adds that what she loves about Theo is what a “normal human” he is. As such, Theo becomes determined to conceal his Furry identity from Sally lest she also think he’s a freak.

 

However, things complicate when Theo is presented with some unusual circumstances that challenge his ability to withhold his natural canine instincts out of fear that they’ll scare Sally away. For example, as they go further down the buffet, Theo is met with two platters: On the first platter are turkey drumsticks; on the second platter are the rubbish bones from already eaten drumsticks. As a canine-pilled Furry, the platter of bones appetizes Theo more, but in an effort to appear like a “normal human”, Theo reluctantly fills his plate with the un-eaten drumsticks.

 

Meanwhile, Dave approaches Ricky, gearing up for a delicate conversation in which he’ll have to glean subtle clues that point towards Ricky's attraction to Dave. However, much to Dave’s surprise, a tipsy Ricky grabs Dave in close and whispers “I want you, baby,” in Dave’s ear. So the two head towards a closet to get frisky.

 

Meanwhile, Fin looks around to see Gilly nowhere in sight. Feeling like he finally lost his suitor, Fin sighs in relief. Just then, Madeline places the last container of caviar on the buffet table. When Madeline leaves, Fin grabs a giant spoon and immediately chows down on the caviar like it’s a bowl of cereal. However, after finishing the tub, Fin’s stomach starts gurgling. So he heads to the bathroom and starts shitting his brains out. And while Fin is stuck on the can, Gilly comes over to stand outside the door – Fin is at Gilly's mercy, and Gilly uses this opportunity to chat up a cornered Fin.

 

Meanwhile, while Becky is doing her best to ignore the whole toothpick scenario, she notices something else: Tara wipes her hands off with a fresh napkin every time she grabs a pig-in-a-blanket with her fingers. This drives Becky insane, so she has no choice but to tell Tara: “You know, you could just wait to wipe your hands until you’ve finished eating. You don’t need to clean your hands between each food-touch.” Tara just laughs again and maintains that nobody is so petty that they would attempt to micromanage napkin-consumption. “You are hilarious,” says Tara, as she swallows a pig-in-a-blanket and grabs yet another fresh napkin. So again, Becky continues to bite her tongue in order to continue wooing Tara.

 

Meanwhile, Dave and Ricky fuck in the closet. After fucking, Ricky kisses Dave’s cheetah-painted cheek and says, “I love you, Madeline.” Dave is confused. “Madeline?? It’s Dave.” Ricky can hardly believe his ears: “DAVE???”

 

Ricky explains that he’s fairly drunk and that he must have confused the two because they were both wearing the same cheetah facepaint. Dave finds this explanation ridiculous: “What about when you sucked my cock??” Ricky explains: “I thought that was my wife's finger!” (It’s left unclear if Ricky genuinely confused Dave for Madeline, or if he’s merely using the alcohol and cheetah facepaint as an excuse for his infidelity.)

 

In any case, after the two redress, Dave and Ricky cautiously exit the closet. However, Madeline happens to see them, so she asks Ricky what he was doing in the closet with Dave. In response, Ricky just tells Madeline to come upstairs with him immediately.

 

Panicked that Ricky is going to tell Madeline that they fucked in the closet, Dave goes to consult Granny Dave about what to do. When he approaches her, we see that Granny Dave’s suitor-situation has again escalated, and she now has over a dozen guys all competing in some kind of contest to decide who gets to bring Granny Dave home tonight – they are currently competing to see who can do the most pushups.

 

Granny Dave tells Dave not to worry, as she’s confident that Ricky won’t talk. “He’s probably just upstairs trying to re-affirm whatever shred of heterosexuality he has left.” Granny Dave goes on to explain that if Dave keeps this indiscretion to himself, then there should be nothing that would clue Madeline in on what happened. Granny Dave then turns her attention back to her adoring suitors, who are in an exhausted heap on the ground. Granny Dave demands: “I wasn’t watching, you guys’ll have to do it again.” The suitors all groan, but start doing pushups once more.

 

Meanwhile, Ricky is indeed fucking Madeline upstairs, all the while screaming about what a “macho, hetero man” he is. Post-sex, Madeline expresses appreciation for the unusual, spontaneous fun, but that she should really get back downstairs to check on her guests. 

 

Meanwhile, Theo continues to chat with Sally. However, unfortunately for Theo, Sally is throwing around the aforementioned Nerf frisbee with another mixer patron. Between throws, Sally tells Theo she’s having a great time with him, but Theo just writhes in misery, doing everything in his power not to bark and chase the frisbee every time Sally throws it. Eventually, Theo can’t help but let a small “woof” escape his lips, to which Sally inquires: “Um, did you just woof?” Theo denies ownership of the woof, but it’s clear he’s hanging on by a thread.

 

Meanwhile, back at the buffet, Becky continues to bite her tongue regarding the egregious excess of Tara’s napkin and toothpick usage. Eventually, Tara excuses herself to the bathroom, and when she leaves, a messy-haired Madeline returns from upstairs and passes by the buffet to see the large pile of napkins and toothpicks beside Becky. She scolds Becky: “Hey, can you try to not use so many napkins and toothpicks? We’re running low. It’s just a bit inconsiderate.” Others at the mixer turn to glare at Becky. Someone yells: “That’s bad for the environment, you know.” Becky is infuriated, and shortly after her humiliation does Tara return with a goofy smile on her face: “Looks like the bathroom was occupied. What’d I miss?” Becky looks like she’s going to kill Tara.

 

Meanwhile, Madeline continues to make her rounds around the mixer to check on everything, but all the while, she’s itching at her crotch. Eventually, the itch is too much for her – so, desperate to find out what’s going on under her pants, she rushes into the bathroom, just as Fin finally exits. In the privacy of the bathroom, Madeline lights a candle before pulling her pants down to give her pubes a powerful bare skin scratching – before she catches something underneath her fingernail… Madeline raises it right up to her eye to see… a pubic louse!!! Madeline laments: “How did this happen?? How on Earth did I get crabs???”

 

Meanwhile, even after exiting the bathroom, Fin is still being constantly shadowed by Gilly – and Fin can’t take it anymore, so he levels to Gilly: “Look, you seem great, but I’m asexual, okay?” To which Gilly surprisingly responds: “Duh, I am too. Doesn’t mean we can’t hang out or date each other.”

 

Fin is surprised. “How’d you know I was asexual?” Gilly says: “A-dar. Like gaydar for aces.” Gilly goes on to explain: “And it’s rare to meet another asexual guy. That’s why I put those laxatives in the last tub of caviar in the fridge. I knew you’d help yourself to it, and then I’d get my chance to chat you up while you were cornered on the can.” Fin is speechless: “Wait, you schemed up this whole plan that involved drugging me? Just to get a chance to talk to me?” There’s a beat, before Fin admits: “Shit, maybe we would get along. Here’s my number.”

 

Meanwhile, Theo is talking with Sally, but he is shaking with withdrawal symptoms. She keeps asking him all sorts of first date questions, but before asking every question, she begins with a long drawn out “Are youuuuu…” in a manner that imitates a dog’s howl. “Are youuuuu… into music?” “Are youuuuu… into any TV shows?” “Are youuuuu…” And finally, when someone throws the Nerf frisbee astray and it accidentally knocks down the curtains to the window and exposes the full moon, Theo can’t take it anymore – he can only bear one more “Are youuuu…” set to the image of the full moon before Theo RIPS off his human clothes in a werewolf-like manner and rushes over to the window to HOWL at the moon: “AROOOOOO!!!” Theo then runs over to the facepainting lady who asks: “...What do you want to be?” Theo just screams: “I WANT TO BE A DOGGY!!!”

 

Moments later, Theo leaves the facepainting chair with not just the painted face of a dog, but rather, Theo is in full doggy bodypaint – and like someone getting up from a heroin injection, a satisfied Theo moans: “Ohhh yeah… That was good.” Sally screams that Theo is a freak, but Theo just responds “whatever,” comfortable with who he is.

 

Meanwhile, Becky holds a sad Tara by the arm and angrily leads her around the mixer. As they approach each guest, Becky demands Tara “say the thing.” Terrified, Tara admits to a mixer patron: “Hello, I’m Tara. And let it be known that I abuse my toothpick and napkin allowance. Becky respects the environment, and I’m…” Tara hesitates to say the rest, but Becky tugs her arm: "And…?” So Tara continues, humiliated, "...and I’m a ‘wasteful bitch’.” Tara then turns to Becky and sounds like she wants to cry: “Can you please let go of me now? I want to leave.” Becky says, "not yet, Madeline needs to hear this too. Where is she anyways?”

 

Just then, Madeline exits the bathroom. “Listen everybody, I’m so sorry, but I have to cancel the mixer!! Because…” As all the mixer patrons quiet down and wait for Madeline's explanation, Madeline just stares at all her disappointed guests quietly standing there – until something catches her eye: She notices Ricky scratching at his crotch, before her gaze then lands on Dave, who is also furiously itching his balls from across the room. Madeline then feels an itch herself, and starts scratching her crotch too. We then cut between Madeline and Dave’s cheetah-painted faces staring each other down while they scratch at themselves like a couple of cats with fleas. Suspicious, Madeline’s gears start to turn – she deduces that it’s possible that Dave gave Ricky crabs when they were in the closet, then Ricky gave Madeline crabs when he fucked her upstairs. Thus, by the transitive property, Dave gave Madeline crabs. She asks Dave: “You’re not a cheater, are you?” Gesturing to his facepaint, Dave responds: “Of course I’m a cheetah, how is that not obvious?”


As Madeline tackles Dave, everybody runs to leave the mixer, including Granny Dave, who leaves with all the dozen men on her arms – it seems like she’ll be taking them all home tonight.

Season 1 Finale

Granny Dave's Big Score

Ep15GrannyDavesBigScore.png

The episode begins with Dave, Granny Dave, Fin, Becky, Theo, and Leonard attending WeHo Pride – though Granny Dave comments on what she would do differently if she was in charge: “Really?? They got Kid Rock to headline? In what world has an LGBTQ+ person ever listened to Kid Rock?" Granny Dave goes on to point out that the food is mediocre, there’s not enough free condoms to go around, and the rainbow flags are “missing violet.” Overall, Granny Dave deems it a pretty mediocre Pride by WeHo standards: “Back in my day, all of Santa Monica Blvd was one big rainbow orgy. And sometimes the sex even spilled onto Sunset, too.”

 

Later that day at Pride, in a terrible stroke of luck, Dave somehow gets pulled aside by a disgruntled cop and is fined for jaywalking. Dave protests: “It’s Pride!? Everybody’s walking in the streets!!” The cop just says: “You can still get pulled over for speeding if everybody else is speeding – same principle here, pal.”

Meanwhile, after returning from Pride, Granny Dave comes home with Leonard, but the two are met with the disappointing sight of the massive pile of property tax bills on the table. Granny Dave turns to Leonard: “This has to end.” She asks him how much money she needs to pay in order to end this once and for all – and Leonard crunches some numbers, before explaining that Granny Dave can stop accruing endless interest and wipe out her back tax debt entirely with a single lump sum payment of precisely $104,415.

 

The next day, Dave goes into West Hollywood City Hall to protest the twenty dollar ticket he got from jaywalking. While there, he has a meet-cute with Jane Erickson, the Mayor of West Hollywood. Charmed by Dave’s loveable goofiness as he foolishly attempts to sweet talk his way out of paying twenty dollars, Mayor Jane tells the secretary to waive Dave’s ticket. Mayor Jane then decides to invite Dave out for dinner – to which Dave agrees. Thus, a whirlwind romance between Dave and Mayor Jane begins.

 

Later that week, Dave, Granny Dave, Fin, Becky, Theo, and Mayor Jane are all having a cookout on the Patio. While having a few drinks, Mayor Jane tells everybody, “I love this house! It’s gotta be the gayest house in West Hollywood!” She then goes on to regale her new friends about how much money the city made from Pride last week.

 

Just then, an idea hits Granny Dave, so she removes herself from the Patio to go phone Leonard from inside the house: “I’ll throw a block party! If WeHo can make a whopping seven million from that shoddy display, I can easily raise my measly 100K by throwing a far superior festival!”

 

So that evening, Granny Dave goes over to Leonard’s apartment to put together a mood board, write up some pitches, and strategize business plans. Leonard asks: “What are we gonna do about food?” Granny Dave says: “Remember that taco place that gave me salmonella? They said they’d do anything for me if I didn’t sue!” Leonard also asks what they’re gonna do about music, but Granny Dave has that covered too: “I used to fuck Panic! At The Disco.”  "Which member?” “Do you really have to ask? All of them, Leonard, all of them.”

 

And before long, Granny Dave has put together an elaborate list of favors to call in and has noted down all sorts of contacts in her network to reach out to.

 

So the next day, Granny Dave heads to West Hollywood City Hall to share her robust pitch for her block party, which she has dubbed “Granny Dave’s Big Score”. However, the secretary merely rolls her eyes at Granny Dave: “Ma’am, do you have any idea how many giant corporations want to throw block parties in West Hollywood? There’s a waiting list that extends into 2050, and frankly I’m not sure you’re going to live that long, Ms. Davidson.”

 

Granny Dave is frustrated, but when Mayor Jane passes by, she sees a potential opportunity to supersede this bitchy secretary, so Granny Dave calls out: “Oh! Mayor Jane! Remember me?” Mayor Jane just stares at Granny Dave, unsure. Granny Dave tries to jog Mayor Jane’s memory: “You were over at my house yesterday.” Mayor Jane just continues squinting. “I’m Dave’s grandmother.” Mayor Jane asks: “And what was your name again?” "My name is Granny Dave. Pretty easy mnemonic device there, Janey.” However, despite Granny Dave thinking that Mayor Jane would help out due to her relationship with her grandson, Mayor Jane reveals her true two-faced identity and instantly dismisses Granny Dave’s proposed block party, explaining that the permits alone would bankrupt Granny Dave ten times over. Granny Dave asks if she could make an exception, but in a full-on villain reveal, Mayor Jane just laughs in Granny Dave’s face and walks off – she is a politician after all.

 

Finding the Mayor of West Hollywood to be significantly more vindictive and elitist than she let on back at the Patio earlier that week, Granny Dave realizes that if she’s going to execute her block party idea, she’s going to have to break a few rules. She calls up Leonard and tells him that they’re going to have to do this guerilla style. “FUCK the permits and insurance,” Granny Dave growls, much to Leonard’s arousal.

 

Meanwhile, later that evening, Dave is on a date with Mayor Jane at her house. The two romantically put chocolate-covered strawberries in each other’s mouths as Mayor Jane tells Dave: “Hey, Dave. Make sure to come to me if your grandmother tries to go around my back with her block party idea, okay?” A horny Dave musters an “uh-huh” as Mayor Jane eroticaly fondles Dave’s lips with the tip of a strawberry.

 

However, before the block party plan can be put into motion, Granny Dave gathers Fin, Becky, and Theo around the Patio while Dave is off on his date with Mayor Jane. She tells the Shack of Queers that she’s going to need their help if the block party is going to be executed. Granny Dave explains that she’s going to need Fin, Becky, and Theo to stage a high-octane hostage situation at the far reaches of West Hollywood over by Plummer Park – this will pull all the police in West Hollywood away from the block party and tuck them away in the far reaches of the city’s panhandle.

 

Becky asks why on Earth they should devote their Sunday to this and possibly even get arrested – to which Granny Dave has no choice but to come clean and finally admit the truth: She admits that she’s been battling to keep the Davidson House – the refuge for her adoptive queer family – in her possession. Touched by her confession, Fin, Becky, and Theo all agree to help.

 

Granny Dave goes on to explain that she’ll have to keep Dave from finding out about the block party too, as the suckup Dave would undoubtedly tattle to Mayor Jane if he found out about the unpermitted block party in an effort to score brownie points with his mayoral girlfriend. As a solution, Fin offers up two tickets to a friend’s play at the Pantages Theatre over in Hollywood – Dave can take Mayor Jane and the two will be distracted at the play while the block party is going on.

 

So come the day of the block party, Granny Dave hands Dave the tickets, and Dave quickly calls up Mayor Jane to invite her to the play. Granny Dave then starts canvassing around the neighborhood, handing out flyers.

 

After handing out flyers, Granny Dave hands Fin, Becky, and Theo some nunchucks. They ask Granny Dave what the hell they’re supposed to do with this, but Granny Dave explains that the nunchucks are for the fake hostage situation. Becky is incredulous: “Wouldn’t an AR-15 or something be a little more customary?” Granny Dave balks: “I don’t own any guns. I’m as anti-gun as they come. Who do you think gave Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe the idea for his anti-gun platform while pegging him in his summer home? No, you three will just have to make due with my nunchucks.” They ask her why she even has nunchucks, and Granny Dave explains with a flirtatious wink: “Gift from Shinzo. I also have some ninja throwing stars and a weaponized fan, if you’re interested.”

 

So with the nunchucks in tow, Fin, Becky, and Theo head over to Plummer Park to stage their fake hostage situation. Upon arrival, the three aren’t sure what to do, until Fin directs: “I’m pretty sure we need, like, a building to hide out in.” Fin looks around. He then spots a building nearby that he used to take acting classes in – Fin explains there’s a studio space on the third floor that’s probably empty around this time of day.

 

Upon breaking into the studio space, the three start arguing over who gets to be the terrorist and who gets to be a hostage. But after drawing straws, Becky is chosen to be the terrorist. She tells Theo to give her his fursuit so that she can conceal her identity. Theo is reluctant to part with his beloved fursuit, but Becky reminds him that they’re doing this for Granny Dave, so Theo agrees and strips down to his undies.

 

Once Becky dons the fursuit, Fin and Theo get into their positions and Becky ties them up. There’s a brief awkward silence, until Theo asks: “Okay, now how do we get the cops here?” There’s a beat before Becky – dressed in Theo’s own fursuit – starts wailing on Theo with the nunchucks. Theo cries in pain, and Becky drags him over to the window to ensure his screams echo out into the neighborhood. “Louder, Theo!!” Becky demands. “More convincing,” Fin suggests, critiquing Theo’s performance.

 

Meanwhile, Granny Dave watches as her block party is going off without a hitch. Everybody is having a great time – everyone’s chowing on tacos, dancing as Panic! At the Disco performs, and laughing as Dani Grave does an outstanding drag set. In fact, the block party is such a smash hit, there’s almost too many people. Leonard approaches Granny Dave saying that he didn’t calculate for this many attendees and he’s not sure if their block party’s infrastructure can take it. But Granny Dave tells him not to worry, as she counts her money.

 

Meanwhile, Fin, Becky, and Theo are quickly surrounded by every cop in the city. (Half the cops on the scene are just there to see the image of a Furry with nunchucks threatening to beat two innocent civilians to death.) They all point guns at a terrified Becky, but Becky holds Theo up as a human shield for safety. The cops ask Becky to let the hostages go, to which Becky says, “I’d honestly love to, but I can’t just yet!” They go on to ask Becky what she wants in exchange for the hostages' safety, but this stumps Becky. In private, she consults with Fin: “Shit, what’s my motivation, Fin??”

 

Becky continues floundering, but the farce must go on, so Becky tries to stall the cops as long as possible.

 

Meanwhile, back at the block party, Granny Dave receives a phone call from Dave, who yells at Granny Dave for giving him tickets to the worst play he’s ever seen. He goes on to tell Granny Dave that he and Mayor Jane are going to walk back home to WeHo from Pantages. Panicked, Granny Dave calls up Fin.

 

Fin answers his phone while tied up: “What’s up Granny Dave?” Fin casually says, while in the background Becky gives a weeping Theo another thorough nunchuck beating to prove to the cops that she means business. Frustrated, Granny Dave explains to Fin: “Dave and the Mayor are leaving the play!! They said it was so terrible they couldn’t even finish act one!!” Fin responds: “Well duh, why do you think I offered up the tickets, I wasn’t gonna go see Mama Mia." Granny Dave then tells Fin that he’ll have to go stall Dave and Mayor Jane on their way back home. So Fin effortlessly unties himself and tells Becky that he’s heading out, to which Becky responds, “‘kay.”

 

Just then, a hostage negotiator arrives on the scene and calls up from the streets: “Hello. My name is Agent Smith. What’s it going to take to get you to release a hostage?” Immediately after asking that, Fin casually exits the building. The police officers stare in awe at Agent Smith, who proudly says to himself, “still got it!”

 

So Fin meets Dave and Mayor Jane on Sunset Blvd. Having run all the way there, a sweaty Fin says between gasps: “Oh! Fancy running into you two here!” Fin tries making conversation with Dave and Mayor Jane, but Dave insists that the two are enjoying their romantic walk home and would like to continue enjoying it in privacy.

 

So the two breeze past Fin – and seeing no other option, Fin yells out: "Dave, I want to try again! You. Me. Our marriage…" This reminder of Dave's lingering feelings for his ex-husband manages to make Dave stop in his tracks for a bit.

 

Meanwhile, back at the block party, Granny Dave is counting her money. “Halfway there, Leonard!” But the giant crowd around Panic! At the Disco only grows more and more feral as they play “High Hopes”, their most popular song. As the overly large crowd pushes towards the makeshift stage that Leonard built, screws and bolts start to come loose – it wasn’t built to withstand this much hype!

 

Meanwhile, Dave is once again swept off his feet by Fin’s romantic outburst. Dave considers the possibility that his and Fin’s marriage was indeed real and that maybe Fin really does feel something for Dave after all. However, Dave’s mere consideration of Fin’s profession for love gets Mayor Jane infuriated – and the couple starts angrily arguing. “That should keep them busy,” Fin says to himself while proudly walking away, having found a great quagmire to distract the happy couple with for a few hours.

 

However, unfortunately for Fin, this quagmire doesn’t last all too long, as Mayor Jane breaks up with Dave on the spot. She then hails a taxi and says, "I'm going downtown to see my friends at the LA Superior Court to draft up some anti-Dave legislature." Dave isn't sure exactly what that means, but he's brokenhearted to see Mayor Jane leave him. So he just sadly walks home alone.

 

Meanwhile, the block party is starting to wrap up, and Granny Dave is almost at the sum of money she needs. So she calls Becky: “We did it, Becky. You can end the hostage situation.” So Becky tells Theo that he can have his fursuit back. And just as the two finish changing outfits, a SWAT team breaks down the door and tackles Theo to the ground as Becky walks off scot-free.

 

Granny Dave finally reaches $104,415 – and she jumps for joy! But as she does, Dave’s sad walk home leads him right into the mosh pit beside Panic! At the Disco. Dave looks up and realizes that he’s just wandered into Granny Dave’s unlicensed block party – but more importantly, Dave realizes that this is a perfect opportunity to get Mayor Jane back! Thus, Dave immediately starts dialing his phone to rat Granny Dave out – but Granny Dave spots Dave from across the crowd, so she rushes over to plead for Dave to stop. But Dave continues dialing – and seeing no other option, Granny Dave has to unveil the truth to her grandson as well: “Listen, Dave, you can’t call her! I’m trying to save the house! I'll be homeless. You'll be homeless. Fin, Becky, Theo? All homeless. We’ll all be ruined. …So what do you say, Dave?” Dave weighs his options for a moment, before announcing: “Sorry Granny Dave, but I just can’t help myself, you know.” So Dave continues dialing, but just as he’s about to put the phone to his ear, he’s distracted by a loud BOOM – the makeshift stage that Panic! At the Disco is playing on collapses in a huge dust cloud. Panic! At the Disco collectively scream out in pain, everyone at the block party runs for safety, and general pandemonium ensues.

 

CUT TO: A judge bangs a gavel: “Miriam ‘Granny Dave’ Davidson, you are hereby sued by Panic! At the Disco for a sum of one million dollars.” Granny Dave sticks out her tongue at a bruised-up Brendan Urie, before she snaps back: “And if I refuse to pay?” The judge sighs: “Then we’ll bankrupt you. Which means repossessing your assets. Including your house.” Granny Dave was hoping he wouldn’t say that. (This is probably why permits and insurance exist.)


After finishing with Granny Dave’s sentencing: Dave, Granny Dave, Fin, and Becky decide to pop over to the holding cells to visit an incarcerated Theo. They all hang out around the visitation room like it’s the Patio. Theo asks Granny Dave if his sacrifice was worth it, to which Granny Dave explains: “Nah, it was a wash, I’m one million dollars in the hole now.” “Ah, that’s too bad,” Theo sympathizes. But Granny Dave goes on to encourage her grandson and found family not to fret, as she points out that she raised the first 100K no sweat. In fact, Granny Dave is only feeling emboldened by her abilities to pay off any back taxes, lawsuit, or financial dispute that comes her way. Theo tells her that that’s good to hear, as his bail is $200,000.

(Season 2 will of course hit the reset button on Theo's incarceration, but going forward, if a money-making opportunity presents itself, Granny Dave will plan up one of her classic schemes under the pretense that she “owes Panic! At the Disco ten bricks.”)

Seasons 2, 3, 4, and Beyond

We believe that there are endless stories to tell with Dave, Granny Dave, and their supporting cast of desperate misfits. We have endless narrative concepts for these five very flawed, very proactive characters, and believe that an episodic comedy like this has the life and legs to go on for many years to come.

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