After a routine STD screening at DR. BEARENSTEIN’s office, DAVE meets a hunky guy named JOHN typing away on his phone in the waiting room. Upon chatting it up, Dave discovers that John is having trouble getting people to come to a “group event” that night at his house. Without hesitating or even getting the full details, Dave happily offers to “come party.”

 

That evening, Dave arrives at John's house only to find that John's "party" is actually an orgy. Thrown off his game by this sudden twist, Dave embarasses himself and fails to make any meaningful impression with John.

 

When leaving the orgy, John disinvites Dave to future gatherings, implying Dave is not “the orgy type.” However, Dave insists to John that his poor performance was simply “away game jitters.” Dave then invites John to Dave’s house next week for the orgy that Dave hosts, which is promised to be even bigger and better than John’s typical orgy. Of course, Dave is just bullshitting in order to get another chance with John, but John is intrigued by Dave’s lies and agrees to come.

 

Back at home, Dave strategizes with his grandmother, GRANNY DAVE on how to stage an elaborate orgy on his turf.​​

 

CUE MONTAGE of Dave and Granny Dave canvasing their neighborhood, going door-to-door passing out fliers.

 

Along the way, the two stop by to see FIN (Dave's ex-husband) so Dave can drop off his alimony check — as well as ask Fin if he’ll come to the orgy and play the role of “orgy shepherd” in order to herd the other orgy-goers away from John, to ensure that Dave has John all to himself.

 

In exchange for Fin’s orgy shepherding services, Dave offers triple alimony payments next month, and Fin agrees. So with Fin on board, the plan for Dave’s grand orgy is all set.

 

The following day, the orgy begins – and it’s going great. Big turnout and Dave has John all to himself because whenever any orgy patrons try to slide up towards John, Fin tackles them out of the way (which Fin plays off as a frisky sex pounce).

 

Dave and John are really starting to form a meaningful connection, until the doorbell rings.

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Dave exits his room and heads to the front door to see his neighbor, BECKY, who is passive-aggressively brandishing a decibel meter. She insists that her cat is trying to sleep and that Dave needs to quiet down whatever “fresh hell” is happening in his flat… or else. Becky’s threat reads loud and clear, and Dave is terrified of his orgy getting ruined.

 

Dave returns to the bedroom and immediately starts going around the orgy shushing everybody – much to John’s distaste.

 

Dave sidles up back to John and tries to resume their conversation, but Dave keeps interrupting the conversation to go shush the loud moaners. As such, while Dave is busy trying to explain “silent thrusting,” to somebody, John’s attention drifts towards Fin, who is currently pinning down a girl who must have gotten a little too close to John. In stark contrast to Dave’s librarian-esque behavior, Fin’s obvious sexual dominance attracts John. So John edges up to Fin and gives him a “hey daddy.”

 

Dave clocks that and is horrified – Dave grabs Fin and pulls him aside: “Hey, great job today, Fin. I’ll take it from here." Dave hands Fin a check, and Fin exits the bedroom, happy to have cinched that triple alimony payment.

 

Dave heaves a sigh of relief, then turns back towards the orgy, but he doesn’t see John. He squints his eyes searching through the giant pile of bodies, “John, you there?” From the body pile, a couple voices pipe up: “Yeah?” “Right here!” “Over here!” Dave is going to have to be more specific: “No no, I'm looking for John Musk!”

 

Hearing John’s last name, Fin barges back into the bedroom. “Did you just say Musk?”

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Upon discovering that John may or may not be related to billionaire Elon Musk, Fin has no desire to pass up the opportunity to woo a potential nepo-baby. Fin hands Dave back his check: “Screw your triple alimony payment, Dave,” Fin says, “I’m going after Tesla.”

 

And thus, a battle for John’s attention ensues between Dave and Fin: They attempt to chat up John while both Dave and Fin try to shut each other up by shoving various body parts into each others’ mouths. “Suck on my nipple, Dave.” “No, you eat my ass, Fin!”

 

Flustered and losing the war, Dave exits the bedroom to discuss a game plan with Granny Dave, who is busy baking phallic cookies for all the orgy patrons in the kitchen.

 

Feeling like he can’t beat Fin, Dave decides to abort the orgy. However, Granny Dave points out that John will hate Dave if Dave is the reason the orgy is canceled – rather, a better plan is to find a way to get Fin to be the one to ruin the orgy and pin it all on him. Dave has an idea.

 

Dave re-enters the bedroom to find Fin and John making out. Dave smugly walks over and encourages the two lovebirds. In fact, Dave tells John that he used to be married to Fin, and that Dave knows just the thing that really gets Fin off. Dave whispers the particular sex act in John’s ear, and John eagerly starts performing it on Fin off-camera.

 

While this is happening, Dave is conspicuously announcing to the room in a loud-whisper: “Remember everybody, we have to keep it down! Nobody here wants to be the asshole that gets the orgy canceled.” However, Fin can’t hold it in – whatever mysterious sex act John is doing to him off-camera results in Fin EXPLODING in the loudest, longest, decibel-heightening orgasm imaginable.

 

Just then, Becky breaks down the door to the bedroom, wielding a spray bottle filled with cat piss. She points it at Fin: “YOU! LOUD-ASS MOTHERFUCKER!” She douses Fin, then everyone else at the orgy. Becky demands, “EVERYBODY GO THE FUCK HOME. ORGY’S OVER.” Drenched in pungent piss, John is furious with Fin – but before leaving, John kisses Dave on the cheek and says, “It was a great orgy, Dave. ‘Til that asshole ruined it. Call me.”

 

The next day, Dave and John are holding hands in Dr. Bearenstein’s waiting room, flirting with each other. Dave amorously suggests another orgy next week, to which John agrees.

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Just then, Dr. Bearenstein enters and explains that both Dave and John tested negative for everything… except for feline chlamydia.

John then slowly removes his hand from Dave’s hand and turns to glare at him. Dave whimpers, “Soo… same time next week?”

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We end on a final scene of Dave at home with Granny Dave – the two are discussing plans on how to win John back after Dave was blamed for the feline STD. “John said nothing like that ever happens at his orgies,” Dave explains. “Well, maybe he’d forgive you if one of his orgies had an animal STD incident too,” Granny Dave posits. “Maybe we could plant some squirrel gonorrhea on his bedsheets?” “Fuck yeah. Let’s go to the park.”